


A Sudden Lapse

by Pishposh86



Category: EvanStan Duh!!
Genre: Don't Judge Me, Drama, F/M, M/M, Oh My God, Okay Yeah I'm Done, Sebby No, Shit, i think I'm done, oh no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-06-10 06:39:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 39,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6943873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pishposh86/pseuds/Pishposh86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seething With Anger and Tears In His Eyes He Looked Down At Him<br/>"Did you think I wouldn't find out? Do you think I'm that stupid?"<br/>He looked up at him. Guilt in his eyes.<br/>"I'm sorry. I know that doesn't even cover it"<br/>Tears welling down his face his turned on his heel. With his back still turned he spoke<br/>"I never want to see you again. Just stay the fuck away from me"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let's Start From The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to my other story: Dreams and Reality  
> Came to me in my sleep...so yeah  
> Let's do this ;)

Chris looked at his reflection in the mirror. Inhaling a sharp breath his placed the ice pack back on his swollen eye. He had to admit his husband had on hell of a right hook. 

"You alright there man?" Mackie asked walking up to Chris

Chris nodded "No. I can believe how badly I fucked up"

Removing the ice pack Mackie's widen in surprise "Damn man. He did a number on you. Who would of thought Seb had it in him?"

Chris sighed sadly "What am I going to do?"

Mackie patted Chris on the back "I don't know man. But whatever it is. You got a lot of work to do"

*Take It Back From The Start*  
Walking into the kitchen Chris saw Sebastian pouring himself a cup of fresh coffee. Chris smiled softly. Not even facing him, Sebastian was still breathtaking. He broad shoulders and his once long hair not a short unruly mess. He was simply stunning. Not to mention that amazing ass and sinful thighs.

Sebastian turned around and almost spilled his coffee "Shit. Chris. How long were you standing there?"

Chris smirked "Long enough to take in the view"

Sebastian gave an un-amused glare "So you really are a horn dog 24/7"

Chris laughed softly as he walked up to his husband and took his free hand.

"I didn't mean it like that babe. It's just you really are beautiful. I just can't help but stare at you"

Sebastian blushed "Whatever"

"So listen. You know I'll be heading to Washington in a few weeks for filming" Chris said with a sly smile

"Chris I already told you I can't go with you. I have to stay here to start filming of my own" 

Chris sighed and pouted "Can't you just tell them to give you a few weeks off? Just for me...please"

Sebastian sighed "Chris I can't. Look you know I would love more than anything to go with you. I just can't. But if I have free time I'll visit you I swear"

Chris frowned like a five year old child and sighed "Alright fine"

"So are you excited to start filming?" Sebastian asked setting down his coffee after taking a drink

"Yeah. The script is amazing. And the cast is just a great group of people" 

"The script is great. I read a bit of it like you told me to last night. What I liked is you get to play a daddy. I think that's cute"

Chris blushed "Yeah. Seb can I ask you something?"

Locking eyes with Chris Seb nodded "Of course"

Reaching his hand across the table Chris laced his hand with Sebastian's 

"Would you ever? You know. Want to have a child. You know the two of us"

Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat "Oh Chris. I...I don't know. Raising a child is a huge responsibility. I mean how would we do it. We both have hectic schedules. I mean for god's sake Chris just sitting here with you is something we rarely have time for"

"We can do it. I know we can. And we can both take breaks from work whenever we wanted" 

Sebastian bit his lower lip "I don't know. I'll think about it"

Chris cocked a brow "You'll think about it?"

"Yes"

"Seb we can do it. You know that right"

Sebastian sighed "Look Chris I said I'll think about it. I'm not saying yes and I'm not saying no either. So please just respect my answer for right now"

Chris let out a dejected sigh "Fine. Alright"

"Look I have to go. I'll see you later for dinner" Sebastian replied setting his mug in the sink and then grabbing his bag.

Sebastian sighed seeing Chris sit there with a hurt look on his face. Walking over to Chris Sebastian cupped his husband's face and smiled softly

"I love you Chris. Always"

With that Sebastian walked to the door and walked out shutting the door behind him.

Chris sighed looked towards the door "Me too Seb. Me too"


	2. Quite Dinner And Odd Mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had Time For One More Update

Chris poked at his food. For some reason he didn't really have much of an appetite tonight.

"Chris? Are you okay?" Sebastian asked softly 

Chris looked up and locked eyes with Sebastian "Yeah I'm fine"

Sebastian chuckled softly "Chris. I think I've known you long enough to know that you are a terrible liar"

Chris set his fork down and leaned back onto the booth "Do you really think we can't handle fitting a child into our schedule?"

Sebastian groaned burying his face in his hands "Jesus. Chris are you still with that? I thought we talked enough about it this morning. Why can't you just drop it?"

Chris gave a stern expression "Because I don't want to. Seb...baby I love you. I want to be with you forever. But I've told you even before we got married that I've always wanted to be a dad. And well I think we'd be great parents. I've seen you with kids...you're great babe"

Sebastian gave a weak smile "Chris. I just think now is not the time. I'm sorry. Can we please just not talk about this anymore?"

Chris put his hands up in surrender "Fine. Alright. Whatever"

"Look Chris. I'm not trying to be an asshole here. I just think..." 

Chris cut off Sebastian by leaning over the table and kissing him sweetly

"It's fine. I get it"

*The Next Morning*  
Both Sebastian and Chris bolted up in bed hearing the alarm clock go off. Looking at the time Sebastian groaned. 5:00 am.

"Oh god" Sebastian mumbled burying his face under his pillow

"Sorry I had to set it early. My flight is at 6:00 but I need to make sure I have everything" Chris replied softly shutting off the alarm

Sebastian mumbled something under the pillow making Chris smile. Removing the pillow Chris smiled seeing Sebastian's half asleep expression.

"You are still up for taking me right?" Chris asked as he placed a sweet kiss on Sebastian's lips

"God I hope so" Sebastian replied with a yawn

After making sure twice that he had everything Chris and Sebastian headed to their car. Finally the trip to the airport began.

"You gonna miss me?" Chris asked from the passenger side of the car

Sebastian looked from the corner of his eyes to see the smirk on Chris's face 

"Maybe. I don't know" Sebastian replied simply with a shrug of shoulders

Chris gave an insulted gasp "You don't know? Are you kidding me with that?"

Sebastian chuckled "Of course I'm going to miss you. But I'm just glad I won't go insane from loneliness due to all the work I have planned for me"

Chris smiled "I know because not having me around must drive you crazy huh?"

Sebastian scoffed playfully "If you must know I can manage without you. Did it for a long time before we got married"

"You know denial isn't just a river in Egypt" Chris said with a wink

Sebastian groaned "Oh god that's original" 

Finally after the playful banter the car came to a stop and the couple got out of the car. Chris walked to the trunk and pulled his bags out. Shutting the trunk Chris walked over to Sebastian who had his arms crossed.

Moving a strand of hair from his face Chris placed a kiss on his lips "Truthfully. I am going to miss you while I'm in Washington"

Sebastian smiled softly "I'm going to miss you too"

"Maybe while I'm gone you can think about what you've been trying to avoid for the past few days"Chris said with a soft smile

Sebastian sighed "Chris please. I really don't want to do this now"

"I'm not saying we have to. I'm just saying think on it" 

Sebastian rolled his eyes "Look Chris I have to get ready to head out of here too"

Chris let out a frustrated sigh "I guess"

"Look Chris please. You know what I'm not doing this. Have a nice flight and call me when you land alright" Sebastian said placing a kiss on Chris's lips

Chris stood there with his bags in hand as he watched Sebastian get into the car. Starting the car Sebastian waved good-bye before driving off.

Chris waved good-bye and sighed "Some morning"


	3. Find A Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fresh Out Of Work Update

*Days Later*  
"So how are things going so far?" Sebastian asked on the other end 

Chris sighed softly as he watched people on set walking back and forth. Smiling and waving at a few set workers.

"Chris?" Sebastian said softly

Chris shook his head "Sorry. I zoned out. Things having been going alright. Filming has been going great. Can't complain"

"Well that's good to hear. I'm glad you are at least enjoying yourself" Sebastian replied with a smile

"Seb. I miss you" Chris whispered softly

"I miss you too. Chris? Is everything okay? You sound a little bummed out" Sebastian asked concerned

Chris clenched his jaw "Yeah everything is fine. I just...you know what never mind"

Sebastian sighed softly "If you need to talk about something.Chris you know you can tell me anything"

"I know. Look I gotta go. I'll call you later okay. Love you" 

Sebastian exhaled softly "I love you too"

Chris placed his cell in his back pocket. He couldn't explain why he was feeling so bummed out lately. Maybe being away from Sebastian was starting to kick in. He loved having his husband around. To cuddle with and just enjoy his company. Whether is was the lazy days at home lounging around. His head on Sebastian's lap as Sebastian ran his fingers through his golden blonde hair.

Then there was the other thing. The feeling of gloominess he felt when Sebastian would become a completely different person when it would come to their discussion about them having a child together. Chris had always wanted a family. He wanted to be a father so badly. Some would say he made the wrong choice about marrying Sebastian than marrying an actual woman that could give him kids. He just ignored every single one of those idiots. He would never regret falling in love with and marrying Sebastian. Never in hell.

It's just he wished they could just see eye to eye on the one thing that meant the most to him. Maybe one day he would change his mind. Chris still had hope.

*Later on that day*  
"I need to get the hell out of here" Chris mumbled sitting on the edge of his bed

He hated being cooped in one place for to long. It was nice that they rented out a small house for him while he was in Washington. But it wasn't home. Standing on to his feet Chris decided maybe a nice night out would help clear his mind. What's the worst that could happen anyway?

*Back Home*  
Sebastian plopped his tired body on the couch after a long day of working, photo shoots and interviews. All he wanted to do was just sleep.

Flipping on the TV Sebastian began to doze off until he heard his phone go off.

"Thousands of cell phones in the world and mine has to be the one to go off" 

Grabbing his phone Sebastian answered "You better be dying"

Mackie laughed on the other end "Well hello to you too man"

Sebastian groaned "What's up?"

"Not much just wanted to see how you guys were doing?"

Sebastian sat up "We're doing alright. Chris is away at Washington for a while. Filming. Me...well the same" 

"Cool man. So any particular reason why I just got off the phone with Chris and he sounded like a moody teenager"

Sebastian perked up "What are you talking about?"

Mackie sighed "Look man. Chris called me. He sounded I don't know... bummed out. Not like the Chris I'm used to talking to"

Sebastian sighed "Shit. Look. Me and Chris have been kinda having a little bit of a disagreement lately"

"Oh god. You two are like one big soap opera" Mackie replied with a chuckle

'Shut up" Sebastian replied flatly

"So what's the problem?" Mackie asked 

"Well Chris...Chris thinks we should. That we should add a child into our lives" Sebastian finally blurted out

Mackie stayed silent "Wow. Well I can't say I'm surprised. Chris does loved kids. I know one of his dreams is to be a dad"

Sebastian bit his lower lip "I know that. And I'm glad he's great with kids...it's just. Well I don't know about the first thing about being a dad. I mean don't get me wrong. Kids are great...I just don't think I'm ready yet. I mean being a father is a huge responsibility...one I don't know how to handle"

"Have you told him that?" Mackie asked softly

"Well not really. When he brings it up...I well,try to change the subject. I just don't want to hurt his feelings. I mean maybe when the time is right...just not now. I'm a little apprehensive about it. I won't lie I am"

"Well you need to tell him that. Maybe you avoiding it is making him feel like you don't want to at all. You know how Chris is. The dude loves you" 

Sebastian sighed softly "I know. I just feel like a complete asshat whenever he asks me. I choke and I don't mean too. Ugh I should call him shouldn't I"

"Yeah because you are killing me here" Mackie replied with a chuckle

"Oh my god Mackie do you hear that?" Sebastian asked seriously

"Hear what?"

And with that Sebastian hung up "Ha. Jerk"

Mackie looked at his phone screen "Oh no he didn't"

*Washington*  
Chris sat at the booth at the far end of the bar. It was nice to be out and just enjoy the sounds of music and laughter.

Letting his head rest in his hand Chris grabbed the bottle of beer before him and took a drink.

"I'm sorry but I couldn't leave you moping alone here anymore. May I sit" a voice said from out of nowhere

Chris looked up "I'm sorry"

"I've been watching you. You look like something is bothering you" the voice replied softly

Chris chuckled "Didn't know it was that obvious"

"So can I sit" 

Chris nodded "Sure why not"

"Gwen" the voice said softly

"Pardon?" Chris replied confused

"Gwen. My name is Gwen" 

Chris smiled "Chris. It's nice to meet you Gwen"

"Well so what's bothering you Chris?" Gwen asked with a warm smile

Chris chuckled lightly "I don't know. It's kind of a long story and well I don't really know you all that well"

Gwen smiled "Well I have all night and we can get to know each other"

Chris smiled and shrugged "Alright. Where do I start?"


	4. Just A Slip Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before Work Update

Chris's eyes slowly fluttered open. Sitting up in bed Chris groaned out feeling the room spinning. His head was pounding. What the hell happen last night that left him feeling like this? It was then that Chris looked over and felt his heart drop. Chris gasped and lifted the sheets. 

"No God. Please god no" Chris thought trying to get out of bed but getting tangled in the sheets that he fell to the floor. 

Chris quickly grabbed the sheets and wrapped them around his waist. Now he saw everything. Her naked exposed body as she turned over in bed. Slowly her eyes opened and she smiled blissfully.

"Morning" She whispered softly

Chris swallowed the lump in his throat "What the hell happen last night? Who are you?"

"Really? Wow. Chris we met last night at the bar. I'm Gwen" Gwen replied softly

"I'm sorry can you please cover up" Chris replied throwing Gwen on of the blankets nearby

Gwen chuckled softly "Better now?"

"What happen last night?"

Gwen sighed softly "Well last night you opened up to me and told me about your marriage having some trouble. You seemed bummed out so I ordered us some drinks so I can help cheer you up. I genuinely felt bad for you Chris"

Chris groaned "I'm afraid to hear the rest. In fact I don't think I need to hear the rest being as here we are"

"Look I wasn't expecting this to happen. It's just you got a little tipsy and well I felt that if it would help you feel better why not? You were the one who kissed me first so technically you put the moves on me first"

Chris's eyes widened "Fuck. Gwen I'm married. Last night shouldn't of even happened. Oh god. I'm a piece of shit"

"Look no-one has to know. I'm sure what your wife doesn't know won't kill her" Gwen replied softly

Chris gave a confused look "Her?"

"Yeah her?"

Chris bit his lower lip "What did I tell you last night? About my marriage."

"Well you said that you wanted to be a dad and that the significant other wasn't willing to talk about it. So I assumed she was just scared" 

Chris held his hand up "Gwen. I think there seems to be a huge misunderstanding here. There seems to be a whole lot of shit going on here that shouldn't have happened"

Now Gwen was the one who looked lost. Chris sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. 

"Gwen. I have a husband. Not a wife." Chris whispered softly

"Doesn't bother me. Guess you just wanted the company of a woman last night" Gwen replied with a shrug

"What? No. I didn't want any of this to happen at all. I'm married and happily. Gwen I think you should go. I'm really sorry about all this. It's completely my fault. I fucked up" Chris replied softly

"Look don't be yourself up over it. Shit happens" Gwen replied softly

After both Chris and Gwen got dressed. And apologizing again Gwen left and even told Chris to give her a call sometime.

Chris gave a bewildered expression "I don't think that's a good idea"

Chris walked into the living room and felt his palms sweating as he held his cell phone in his hand. He had to tell him. He couldn't hold this from him. 

Unlocking his phone Chris felt like shit seeing his wallpaper of him and Sebastian kissing in London. 

"You truly are a piece of crap" Chris said burying his face in his hand

It was then that he felt his heart stop hearing his phone go off. It was him. Oh God.

Inhaling a deep breath Chris answered "Hello"

"Finally. I called you three times last night. Are you okay" Sebastian asked concerned 

"You did. Shit baby I'm sorry I must have knocked out. I was...um really exhausted" Chris replied softly

"Fucking lying sack of shit" Chris scolded himself mentally

"Oh okay. Well I'm glad you answered. I was worried but I'm happy now that I'm talking to you. So how did your day go yesterday?" Sebastian asked sweetly

Chris sighed softly "It was great. Long and busy but I hung in there. Seb look I'm thinking...I'm thinking of coming home already"

Sebastian remained silent for a while "But Chris aren't you still filming. I mean won't that upset everyone else"

"I really don't care. I miss you Seb and well I really haven't been feeling like myself lately. I just think I need a break"

Sebastian smiled "Well if that's what you want babe. You know I'm going to support you"

Chris felt his heart break. He couldn't believe he allowed something like last night to happen. How could he be so stupid? 

"Chris? You still with me here?" Sebastian asked softly

"Yeah. Look as soon as I get a ticket I'll be coming home. I love you baby. I love you so much" 

Sebastian blushed on his end "I love you too Chris. I can't wait to have you back home"

Chris cleared his throat "Um Seb I have something to tell you" 

"Okay go ahead"

Chris opened his mouth but nothing came out. He choked like a coward.

"Um never-mind I just can't wait to see you"

Sebastian chuckled "Sap. Look I got to go. Duty calls. See you soon"

With that Sebastian bid Chris good bye and hung up. Chris chucked his phone on the couch

"You are a freaking idiot"


	5. When It Eats At You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found Time For One More  
> Short because I had to get ready for work  
> :/

Chris felt his palms sweating during the cab ride home. He was excited to be back home and at the same time completely nervous. How the hell was he going to tell Sebastian what happen back in Washington? It ate away at him during the whole flight. He couldn't stop fidgeting and he felt like he was going to puke the whole way back.

Finally the cab came to a stop. Chris paid the driver and got his bags out of the trunk. Waving goodbye to the driver he grabbed his bags in his hands. Inhaling a deep breath Chris walked up to the front door and placed his key in the lock. Opening the door Chris was greeted by the silence of an empty home.

"Seb? Baby are you here?" Chris called out setting his bags down by the door

Chris made his way to the bedroom. Empty. Chris sighed and was about to walk out until the bathroom door in the bedroom opened. Chris felt his breath hitch in his throat seeing Sebastian walk out with nothing but a towel around his waist. Sebastian ran his fingers through his damp hair and sighed softly. God damn he looked so beautiful in everything that he would do.

Sebastian was about to remove the towel around his waist until

"SHIT. Chris. Say something. You scared the crap out of me" Sebastian said placing a hand on his chest

Chris chuckled softly "Sorry I was enjoying the view. Looks like you were about to take that towel off. Please don't let me stop you"

Sebastian smiled softly "Jerk. When did you get home?"

"A little while ago. So anyway...may I" Chris said with a smirk

"Huh?" Sebastian replied with a lost expression

With that Chris walked up to Sebastian and placed a hand on his hip. Slowly Chris removed the towel and let it fall to the floor at their feet. Sebastian looked up at locked eyes with his beautiful husband. Slowly closing the gap between them Chris caught Sebastian's lips in a passionate kiss.

"God I missed you" Chris whispered after breaking the kiss

Sebastian smirked "Really? How much did you miss me?"

Chris smiled wickedly as he grabbed Sebastian and tossed him on the bed. Crawling atop of him Chris let his fingers run along Sebastian's hip dents. Sebastian shivered in delight.

"God I'm glad I walked in at the right time" Chris whispered in Sebastian's ears.

Moments later Chris and Sebastian found themselves tangled in sheets. Sebastian crying out in passion as Chris bit down on his neck as he thrust deep inside him. 

"Fuck Chris...I guess...ohh babe. You really...mmm...did miss me" Sebastian groaned out feeling his orgasm approaching

"Are you kidding me? Fuck baby...I missed you even before I left. Fuck...fuck. I love you" Chris moaned out as he finally reached his peak and came deep inside of Sebastian.

Sebastian soon came undone seeing Chris lose himself in ecstasy. Sebastian smiled softly as he tried to catch his breath.

"I missed you so much. I'm glad you are back"

Chris smiled softly "Me too"

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris "I love you Chris. I love you so damn much. I don't know what I'd do without you"

Chris suddenly felt his heart sink. Suddenly flashbacks of that night with Gwen came back to him. Chris suddenly got out of bed and slipped on a pair of boxers. Sebastian watched in confusion.

"Chris? Did I say something wrong?" Sebastian asked with a pout

Chris smiled and kissed Sebastian on the forehead. 

"No baby. I just have to used the bathroom. That's all"

Sebastian smiled softly "Oh okay"

Chris walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Sitting on the edge of the tub Chris felt the guilt begin to eat away at him again.

"What the fuck am I going to do?"


	6. Just A Tad Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fresh out of work. Going to make up for the last short chapter with this one ;)

After Chris finally got out of the bathroom he walked back to the bedroom to find that Sebastian had left. Walking to the kitchen he found Sebastian sitting there with a cup of coffee before him. His hair still unruly from their lovemaking and only wearing a pair of black sweatpants.

Sebastian looked towards Chris and smiled "Sorry I tried waiting. I just really wanted some coffee"

Chris smiled softly "Sorry about that"

Sebastian shrugged "It's fine. Listen Chris can we talk"

Chris swallowed the lump in his throat and gave a weak smile "Sure"

Sebastian smiled "Can you come sit with me. Please"

Chris smiled softly and walked over to the table and pulled out a seat. Sitting in front of Sebastian the couple locked eyes with each other.

"Chris. You know that I love you. And you know that I want you to feel like you can tell me anything. You know you can tell me anything. Right?" Sebastian said with a warm smile

Chris sighed "Yeah I know. Is everything okay?"

Sebastian pouted "Chris. Mackie told me that you called him. He told me that you haven't really been feeling yourself lately. Now I want to ask. Why couldn't you talk to me about it? I'm your husband Chris"

Chris sighed and hung his head "I just...I just felt like lately I've been a bother"

Sebastian sighed "But you aren't. You are my husband. We said vows to love one another and be there for each other. Or am I the only one who remembers that"

"No I remember. And I'm sorry. I just thought if I brought up the subject again of wanted to be a dad you would just get upset"

Sebastian then took Chris's hands in his "About that. Look Chris. I don't want you to think I'm avoiding giving you an answer or being an ass about the whole thing. It's just I know you really want to be a dad. I get that and I love that about you. It's just right now...well I feel it wouldn't be fair to bring a child into our lives. I mean Chris we barely have time for ourselves sometimes. I don't want to do that to a child. I want to be there 24/7 for my child"

"We will be. Seb...baby I believe that we can do it together. We can take breaks from work whenever we want to be with our child"

Sebastian sighed "Chris. It's not that easy"

"It isn't? Or it's because you don't want it to be" Chris replied sternly

"What is that supposed to mean?" Sebastian asked letting go of Chris's hand

Chris nodded "Nothing just forget it"

"No please. I mean you've already said it. Continue" 

"I don't want to argue with you okay. Please can we just have a nice peaceful day. I just got back home and I missed you" Chris said with a charming smile

Sebastian crossed his arms. Chris smirked as he pulled Sebastian into his lap making Sebastian yelp.

"Chris. This isn't going to work" Sebastian replied trying to avoid eye contact with Chris

Well that was until Chris cupped his face and pulled him in for a strong kiss. Sebastian protested the best he could but who was he fooling? Melting into the kiss Sebastian let his body relax as he broke the kiss.

"I hate you" Sebastian groaned out getting off of Chris's lap

"Now who's a terrible liar" Chris replied with a wink

Sebastian rolled his eyes "Whatever. Anyway how was Washington? Did you have any fun before you decided to come back home?"

Chris felt his throat go dry as he shut his eyes and all he could see was Gwen's naked body beside him. He tried so hard during the flight home to recollect what happen. All he could remember was meeting her and during the flight he did remember a kiss. She wasn't lying he made the first move. He remembered pushing her up against a wall. His head was spinning but he didn't care. Caressing her face he pulled her close and kissed her hungrily. God he was disgusted with himself. It probably wasn't even a decent kiss. Then again the did end up in bed together.

"Chris? Hello?" Sebastian said waving a hand in front of Chris

Chris shook his head "Sorry. I must have dazed out. I'm sorry baby what did you ask?"

"I asked you if you had fun in Washington before heading back home?"

Chris ran his fingers in his hair "Yeah. Yeah I did. But all I thought about was you the whole time"

Sebastian smirked "You are such a sap"

Chris chuckled as Sebastian placed a kiss on his cheek "Well I'm glad you had fun. I hope you made some new friends and met great people"

Chris bit his lower lip as the voice in the back of his mind started going off

"Yeah you made one hell of a new friend"

"You are scum Evans"

"Tell him the truth you idiot. Stop lying. For Fuck's sake how can you screw someone else and then come home and make love to your husband like nothing ever happened"

Sebastian was about to walk out of the kitchen till Chris reached out and gently grabbed onto his forearm. Sebastian turned to look at Chris.

"Chris?"

Chris sighed softly "I have something I need to tell you"


	7. Et Il étouffa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Titled Update: Because I Can

"Okay. What is it?" Sebastian asked softly

Chris cleared his throat "I...I. I'm sorry"

Sebastian gave a confused glance "Sorry about what? Chris is everything okay?"

Chris didn't say a word and just hung his head. He couldn't even make eye contact with his own husband.

Sebastian sighed softly and placed his soft hands on Chris's face "Talk to me Chris"

"I'm sorry about pressuring you about us adding a child to our lives. I should just respect how you feel about the whole subject. So I promise not to bring it up anymore"

Sebastian felt a wave of guilt course through him "Oh Chris. I'm not saying we never have to bring it up. I just..."

Sebastian was cut off by Chris pulling him in close and hugging him closely. Sebastian couldn't help but feel something was off. Chris never acted like this before. He was always such an upbeat and happy guy. This Chris was different. He was somber and almost melancholy in nature. Everything felt off...even when Chris made love to him a while ago it was different.

"Look I'm going to head out for a while. I'll pick up dinner if you want me to"

Sebastian gave a weak smile "Sounds great"

Chris smiled softly and kissed Sebastian sweetly before heading out.

Chris walked to his car and got inside. Sitting there for a while Chris felt like he was about to throw up. Why couldn't he just open his mouth and tell him the truth?

"Fuck FUCK" Chris cried out as he smacked the steering wheel in anger and the rested his head against it.

Catching his reflection in the mirror Chris sighed "You don't fucking deserve him"

*Later on that night*  
After enjoying dinner and a movie, Chris and Sebastian decided it was time to call it a night

Changing into a pair of pajama's Sebastian got into bed and motioned for Chris to come join him. Chris smiled softly as he removed his shirt and kept on nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants. Crawling into bed with Sebastian, Chris sighed as Sebastian began to kiss him sweetly

"How about another round Captain" Sebastian said seductively in Chris's ear

Chris gave a wry smile "And you call me the horn dog"

"Shut up" Sebastian replied as he pulled Chris atop of him

Spreading his legs Chris rested comfortably between his husband. He couldn't help but groan feeling their pelvises pressing up against each perfectly.

"Shit. I love the way you feel against me like this Chris" Sebastian moaned as he let his hand lay flat against Chris's strong chest

Lowering his hand Sebastian stopped at the waistband of Chris's sweatpants. Chris locked eyes with Sebastian as he shivered feeling Sebastian slip his hand inside his sweatpants and wrapped his warm hands around his dick

"Ohh. God bless America" Sebastian whispered with a wink

Chris couldn't help but smirk as he let his eyes slide shut feeling Sebastian begin to stroke him perfectly.

It was then that Chris had a flashback. There she was lying on the bed. Her naked body exposed to him as he licked his lips like a hungry animal eyeing it's prey. Crawling on the bed to join her Chris pinned her down as he began to attack her neck with rough kisses. She moaned loudly.

"Mmm I love your beard. Makes it feel even better"

Chris quickly opened his eyes and sat up in bed.

"Chris? What''s the matter?" Sebastian asked propping himself up on his elbows

"Nothing. Look you won't hate me if I tell you I'm not really up to another round tonight" Chris whispered softly

"No I won't hate you. We don't have to if you don't want to" Sebastian replied with a soft smile

Chris smiled "We can still cuddle though. I would love that"

Sebastian chuckled softly as he opened his arms. Chris laid his body down next to Sebastian as he felt his husband wrap his arms around him.

"I love you Chris" Sebastian whispered softly

Chris felt his stomach drop "I love you too"


	8. What You Don't Want To Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before Work Update

*Few Weeks Later*  
Chris awoke to the feeling of kisses being trailed down his chest to his stomach. Lowering his gaze he saw the sight of his beautiful husband kissing his hip dents.

"Good morning birthday boy" Sebastian said with a wink

Chris smiled blissfully "Good morning. You planning something down there?"

Sebastian gave a wicked smile and before Chris could even speak he took Chris's morning hard on into his warm mouth. Chris felt his breath hitch in his throat at the feeling of Sebastian's gifted tongue swirling around his sensitive tip.

"Oh fuck...seb baby" Chris moaned out letting his hands gently grip at Sebastian's hair

Sebastian looked up at felt a huge feeling of empowerment knowing he could make the always level headed Chris Evans go insane with ecstasy. And know that he could break Captain America himself with a morning blowjob. It was quite the ego boost.

Sebastian continued to torture Chris letting his tongue go from shaft to tip fast and then slow.

"Seb. Please I don't want to come yet" Chris squeaked out clutching onto the sheets

Sebastian ignored Chris's pleas and kept on going. Finally Chris growled out and pulled Sebastian atop of him.

Placing his hands on Sebastian's hips he gripped onto him so tightly Sebastian knew he would have some bruises. He didn't care he loved being manhandled every now and then.

"You don't know how to listen. Do you?" Chris whispered deeply as he smacked Sebastian's bare bottom

Sebastian inhaled a sharp breath "Guess not. You going to teach me how to follow orders soldier?"

Chris's glare became intense and he lifted Sebastian's hips up slightly. Sebastian emitted a whimper as Chris then lowered Sebastian onto his hard dick.

"Ohh Chris" Sebastian mewled out feeling Chris fill him up perfectly

"Happy birthday to me huh?" Chris said with a wicked smile pulling Sebastian in a for a rough kiss

Sebastian couldn't even reply just hang his mouth open in ecstasy as Chris bucked into him.

"Ohh Chris. Baby...oh baby. I'm gonna come" Sebastian cried out clutching onto Chris for dear life

"Then come for me baby. Let me see you come" Chris replied increasing his thrust

"Ohh god...shit...ohhh fuck" Sebastian cried out as he fell into a boneless pile atop of Chris

Chris chuckled softly as they both tried to catch their breath. 

"That wasn't supposed...to...happen" Sebastian said still breathing heavily

"Oh well. I quite enjoyed. Best start to a birthday ever" Chris replied with a smile

Sebastian got off atop Chris and slip on a pair of sweatpants nearby.

"So how's your day look today?" 

Chris propped himself on his elbows "Got a few things to do with work and then I'm free the rest of the afternoon. Why?"

Sebastian shrugged "Just asking. Because...well I have to work all day"

Chris pouted "But I thought you said you were going to try and get the day off"

"I'm sorry baby. I tried...but I promise I'll make it up to you as soon as I get home"

Chris let out a dejected sigh "Alright"

After both of them getting dressed Chris left first leaving Sebastian behind at home alone. Waiting to hear Chris's car pull out Sebastian walked over to his bag and pulled out his cell phone.

Pushing the call button Sebastian waited for a answer.

"Hello" 

"He just left. Are you coming to pick me up or what?" Sebastian asked softly

"Do I really have to?" 

"Come on Mackie. I've been planning this for a long time. I want this party to be perfect"

Mackie chuckled "Yeah give me a few minuets. I'll be right there"

"Make it quick" Sebastian joked 

"You can't rush greatness" Mackie replied proudly

"Oh god. That's my cue to hang up"

With that Sebastian hung up and walked to the kitchen to make himself a pot of coffee. Just as he was about to reach for the coffee pot he heard a cell phone go off. It wasn't his...the ringtone wasn't his. So that could only mean that Chris left his cell phone behind. Sebastian followed the sound until the phone stopped ringing. Sebastian shrugged it off until he heard the phone chime four times. 

"Wow someone is popular. Now where the hell is that phone" Sebastian mumbled as he walked to the living room to find the phone.

Finally after about five minuets of looking Sebastian found the phone in between the couch cushions

"And he says I lose everything. Sure Chris...sure"

Sebastian grabbed the phone and placed in on the counter. Not one to be the nosy type Sebastian didn't even bother to check who called or left texts. That was until the phone chimed again.

"What the hell?" Sebastian groaned out as he reached out for the phone and unlocked it.

The number or texts had no name. It was probably a wrong number. Sebastian pushed the message button and began to read the messages. His eyes widened in horror.

-Chris. It's Gwen. From The Bar. Please call me back. I really need to talk to you.-

-You are probably wondering how I got your number. Well you gave it to me so don't freak out-

-Please don't ignore me. I feel bad enough as it is bothering you but we need to talk about that night. I know you told me nothing could come of it. And I get it. It was just sex...I know. But we have a problem-

-Please get back to me-

Sebastian dropped the phone and felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He felt like he was about to puke. 

"She must have gotten the wrong Chris. It has to be the wrong Chris"


	9. Birthday He'll Never Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am loving these comments so far  
> You guys are awesome  
> Thanks for comments, hits and kudos <3

"Where the hell are you man? Chris is going to be here in about five minuets" Mackie said pacing in the parking lot

"I'm on my way. I just...I got sidetracked" Sebastian replied trying to control his emotions

"Well alright. Do you want us to start without you?" Mackie asked softly 

Sebastian scoffed under his breath "Fine by me"

With that Sebastian hung up and continued his drive to Chris's birthday party. The party he put so much hard work and effort into. The party he planned and paid for all by himself. The party he planned for his husband. The man he loved. The man he trusted.

Chris saw Mackie standing in the parking lot of the restaurant. Waving Chris parked and turned off his car. 

"How's it going man?" Chris asked hugging Mackie

"Going great. Hey man thanks for coming" Mackie replied with a smile

"No problem. It's not like I have any plans. And well anyone whose willing to pay for dinner is any reason to meet up" Chris replied with a chuckle

Mackie rolled his eyes "Of course"

Chris and Mackie walked into the restaurant and headed straight to the back. 

"Let's go in here man. Much more quieter" Mackie replied as he placed his hand on the handle of the door

"You want to have dinner in a huge room. Why do that? We can just eat out here" Chris asked confused

"Just shut up and get in" Mackie replied shoving Chris in front of him

"SURPRISE!!" 

Chris jumped seeing all of his friends and some family gathered in the room with smiles on their faces. Chris's face brightened with a huge smile

"Oh my god. Guys this...this is insane" 

It was then that an all to familiar voice spoke from behind Chris.

"Happy birthday Captain"

Chris turned around "Oh my god. Scarlett? What are you doing here" 

"I'm here for a party. Duh" Scarlett replied with a huge smile

Chris smiled and hugged Scarlett "Thank you for coming"

"Guys really I'm happy you are all here. This day just got a whole lot better"

Chris then began to scan the room "I wish Seb was here"

Mackie sighed "I know but he had to work"

Chris sighed "Yeah I know"

An hour passed and Chris was enjoying himself. This was great. He missed having this time with friends and family,even though it was just for today he really needed it. He just wished his husband was here to celebrate with him. It just wasn't the same.

Suddenly a room of laughter and talking became quiet. Chris looked up to see Sebastian standing there by the door. A huge smile formed on Chris's face. Everyone smiled seeing the look Chris gave his husband. Chris was about to stand until Sebastian made his way over to Chris.

"Seb. Oh my god...I though___" 

He didn't even see it coming. He didn't even have time to react. He just felt the pain.

Everyone gasped in shock seeing Sebastian punch Chris right in the face. The blow knocking Chris down to floor landing on his ass. Chris placed a hand over his right eye he looked up to see Sebastian standing there.

Seething with anger and tears in his eyes he spoke. The pain is his voice apparent. Sebastian was livid.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out? Did you think I was that stupid?" 

Chris looked up at him "What?"

"Don't you dare play dumb with me Evans. Just don't. How long were you going to go on without telling me about her?"

It was then that it clicked. Looking back up at Sebastian with guilt in his eyes Chris sighed sadly.

"I'm so sorry. I fucked up and I know that. It was a mistake. A horrible mistake. And I know that me saying that doesn't make it better and me saying I'm sorry doesn't even begin to cover it"

Tears falling down his cheeks Sebastian turned his back to Chris 

"I can't believe you. I never thought you would do this to me. God I'm so stupid for thinking you would never hurt me"

Chris remained silent. The pain of seeing Sebastian like that killed him.

"I never want to see you again Chris" Sebastian whispered softly

"What?" Chris replied in shock

"Just stay the fuck away from me" Sebastian replied in tears

Sebastian began to make his out of the room. Apologizing to everyone Sebastian rushed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

*A While Later*  
After apologizing to everyone for having to see what happen between them,Chris found himself sitting in the empty party room. He never imagined this would happen. Then again...he deserved it.

"Here you are gonna need it for that shiner" a voice said from behind Chris

Chris sighed sadly "Thanks man"

Standing from his seat Chris walked over to the mirror in the party room. Looking at his reflection in the mirror Chris hung his head in shame as he placed the ice pack on his eye.

"What the hell happen man?" Mackie asked softly

Chris sighed keeping his eyes locked on his reflection "I fucked up. I fucked up bad"

"What was he talking about? I heard him say something about her. Who is...well her?"

Chris shut his eyes "When I was in Washington during filming I went out to a bar. I was feeling kinda low. You know me and Seb had a little disagreement and it brought me down. So I went out to a bar and I met a girl"

Mackie groaned "Oh shit. Man no"

"I didn't mean for it to happen. I was drunk off my ass. I know that doesn't excuse it...I just. I couldn't tell him. I tried...and I choked every time"

Mackie didn't say a word and just gave a sympathetic look towards Chris.

"You must think I'm a complete douchebag" Chris replied with a light chuckle

Mackie nodded "Nah man. Look yeah you messed up...but I know you are a good guy. You just...you just have to try to talk to him"

"Well he kinda just told me to stay the fuck away from him" Chris replied with a frown

"Like you are gonna listen to anything he tells you" Mackie replied crossing his arms

Chris turned back to the mirror and sighed softly. Inhaling a sharp breath he placed the ice pack back on his swollen eye. He had to admit his husband had on hell of a right hook.

"You alright there man?" Mackie asked walking up to Chris

Chris nodded "No. I can't believe how badly I fucked up"

Removing the ice pack Mackie's widen in surprise "Damn man. He did a number on you. Who would of thought Seb had it in him?"

Chris sighed sadly "What am I going to do?"

Mackie patted Chris on the back "I don't know man. But whatever it is. You got a lot of work to do"

*Later on same night*  
After the long and nerve-wrecking drive Chris pulled up to the driveway. Inhaling a deep breath Chris made his way up the porch steps and unlocked the door. The lights were off so Chris reached over to switch on the lights.

"Turn them off. I don't want them on" 

Chris felt his heart drop seeing Sebastian sitting there on the couch. His eyes puffy from crying and the heartbreak in his voice.

"Seb. Can we talk? Please?" Chris whispered softly

Sebastian scoffed "You don't listen do you. I told you to stay away. I told you I never wanted to see you again...and here you are. You can say whatever you want Chris. Still won't change a damn thing. It still won't fix anything or take back that night"

"I know that. I know that...but please just let me explain"

Sebastian clenched his jaw "Fine. Talk."

"Look I was feeling depressed about everything having to do with us and a child. I felt rejected...almost like what I said didn't matter. I thought you would understand how much me being a dad meant to me. And I guess you can say it broke my heart"

"So you went out and slept with someone because you couldn't understand where I was coming from. That makes it all better"

Chris shook his head "No. I didn't do it on purpose...I. I was drunk and I know that doesn't help either. It was just a girl that came up to me at a bar and she noticed I was looking kinda down"

Sebastian shook his head "Maybe you should stop talking"

Chris shut his eyes "Seb you know that I love you and only you. You are my everything....you know that"

Sebastian looked away from Chris's glance "I thought I did. And I thought I was your everything...guess I was wrong"

Tears began to well up in Sebastian's eyes "You don't know what I went through just for you. All the emotions I felt when you told me for the first time that you loved me. I thought giving this a chance would never work. It would just lead to so many problems. But I did it...I realized I did love you and I couldn't be without you. That day in London made realize...you were it for me Chris"

Chris walked over to Sebastian and kneeled before him "Seb please"

"When you asked me to marry you. Well it felt like all the pieces of the puzzle came together. I no longer had to feel like something was missing...because I had you. You know never would it cross my mind when you hold me and kiss me, that this would be the man who would break my heart. That the same man I proclaimed my love for in front of a huge room of people would do that. Stupid huh?"

Chris reached out for Sebastian's hand only to have them shoved away 

"Don't. Just don't"

Chris held back the tears "I'm so sorry"

"You should go. Just go" Sebastian whispered softly

"Seb" 

Locking eyes with Chris his blue green eyes read angry and hurt all at once.

"Leave or I'll make you leave. And trust me...you don't want that"

Chris stood from his kneeling position and walked towards the door. 

"Don't forget your phone. Who knows she might call you again" Sebastian whispered harshly

Chris sighed and grabbed his phone from the coffee table and walked back to the door. Placing his hand on the knob he turned back to Sebastian. His beautiful Sebastian. 

"I love you" Chris said softly

Sebastian clenched his jaw and remained silent. With that Chris exhaled a deep breath and walked out the front door.

Feeling his emotions begin to overflow Sebastian let the tears come as he curled up into a ball on the sofa and cried himself to sleep.


	10. Favor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sebby Darling

Chris tapped on his knee with his fingers as he waited for an answer.

"Hello" she whispered softly

"Gwen?" Chris replied faintly

"Yeah. Oh my god thank you for getting back at me. I'm sorry about all the texts and phone calls" Gwen replied with a soft sigh

Chris sighed "Why have you been calling me Gwen?

"Because we have to talk about that night after the bar" Gwen replied nervously

"I told you nothing would come of it Gwen. I told you it was a mistake. I'm not trying to be an ass but you know that and you even said you understood. I'm married...well at least I still think I am" Chris replied sadly

"Why? What happen?" Gwen asked concerned 

Chris cleared his throat "Well I forgot my phone at home when you called and texted. My husband found it and now he knows everything. We had a fight and he kicked me out...oh and he gave me a black eye. Which I fully deserved"

"I'm sorry. But why didn't you tell him about that night when you got back?" 

Chris scoffed "Like it's really that easy. Hey honey I'm home...by the way I got drunk off by ass and had drunk sex with a girl I met at a bar and knew for only a few hours. What's for dinner?"

Gwen sighed "Okay I get it. Man you are a lot more fun when you are drunk"

Chris groaned "Gwen? What do you want?"

"Look I'd rather tell you this in person. Not over the phone...you deserve at least that" Gwen replied softly

Chris cocked a brow "Gwen? Is everything okay?"

"Just please come to Washington" 

And with that Gwen hung up. Chris looked at the screen of his phone to see the picture of him and Sebastian.

Chris sighed and began to scroll through his contacts. Pushing the number the phone began to dial out.

"Yes hello. Umm I would like the earliest flight for Washington"

*Flashback*  
"Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight" Chris whispered in Sebastian's ear as they danced 

Sebastian blushed and rested his head on Chris's shoulder "Yes you have. But I wouldn't mind hearing you say it again."

Chris chuckled and locked eyes with Sebastian "You look beautiful. And I love you"

Sebastian felt his face grow warm "I love you too"

Chris leaned in and closed the gap between them with a passionate kiss.  
*End Flashback*

Sebastian opened his eyes and looked over to the left side of the bed. That was Chris's spot. Last night was the hardest night ever...sure he's slept alone before. But ever since being with Chris...he hated it. He loved having Chris's strong body pressed up against his making him feel safe and loved. 

With a tired groan Sebastian sat up in bed and buried his face with his hands. 

"Fuck" Sebastian whispered to himself as he rubbed his tired eyes. 

Looking over to the night stand he grabbed his cell. Unlocking the screen he saw that he had 5 missed call and each one had a voice mail left. And all of them from Chris. 

Sebastian felt his heart sink and a feeling of nausea. Dialing his voice mail he waited to hear the messages.

"Seb? Please answer. Can we just talk" Chris sighed sadly

"Seb...please call me back"

Sebastian didn't even bother to hear the rest. He just couldn't take it. He was about to shut his phone off until it began to vibrate in his hands. He didn't even have to look at the screen. He knew he it was.

Running a hand through his hair Sebastian answered "What do you want?"

"Oh god thank you for answering" Chris replied softly

"Trust me I wasn't going to. Now what the hell do you want?"

Chris sighed "I just wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see if you were okay"

Sebastian rolled his eyes "I'm fine. Now good-bye"

"Seb wait. Look...I'm really sorry. I know I messed up and I will do whatever it takes to fix this. You mean everything to me Seb. I can't lose you...you are my heart. I can't live without you" 

Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat. The tears beginning to well up in his eyes "Chris...just stop"

"No Seb...I won't stop. Not until I have you back...not until I make this right. So that's why I'm on my way to Washington"

Sebastian perked up "What the hell? Why are you going to Washington?"

"Well Gwen said she need to talk about us and that night. And well I'm only going to let her know that what happen between us that night will never happen again and well it's best for us to never speak again. I know it sounds harsh but it's the truth"

"You know what Chris I really don't care. Do what you have to do. Look I have to go" 

"Seb wait" Chris replied 

"What now?" Sebastian replied in frustration

"I love you" Chris whispered softly

"Good-bye Chris"

And with that Sebastian hung up. Chris exhaled a deep breath and placed his cell phone back in his pocket. 

Adjusting his baseball cap Chris sighed "I feel like this can't get any worse"


	11. Sometimes...Life Doesn't Go As Planned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I couldn't sleep :)  
> Insomnia can be good sometimes ;)

*Next Morning*  
Inhaling a deep breath Chris found her apartment unit and stood before he door. Slowly he lifted his hand and knocked on the door. He could hear footsteps coming towards the door and the sound of Gwen telling herself something before finally opening the door. 

"Hi" Gwen said with a nervous smile

Chris smiled softly "Hey"

"I glad you didn't get lost. I'm usually terrible at giving directions...wait a minuet something is different." Gwen said with a cocked brow and a soft smile

Chris gave a confused look and then chuckled softly. Touching his face he realized what she was talking about.

Chris laughed softly "Oh yeah I shaved. Figured it was time. And as for getting lost...I almost did. But that's the beauty of GPS"

It wasn't till seeing her standing before him that Chris finally got a good look at her. She was average height, fit body and long golden brown hair. Her skin was the color of vanilla and her eyes were a bright green. She was beautiful. When he met her at the bar he really didn't see how she truly looked being as the lighting was dim and where he was sitting was almost hidden.

"Umm please come" Gwen whispered softly

Chris gave a soft smile as he let himself in and stood in the middle of Gwen's apartment. Closing the door behind him Gwen walked into her kitchen.

"Umm would you like something to drink" 

"Water would be great" Chris replied softly

Gwen nodded "Umm you can have a seat in the living room. Well if you want"

Chris nodded "No. I think I had enough sitting. I don't mind standing"

" Well I would really prefer if you did. It would make me feel a whole lot more comfortable"

Chris chuckled "Well you could have just said that" 

Gwen gave a nervous chuckle "sorry"

Chris walked to the living room and took a seat. Gwen watched from her kitchen as Chris sat in her living room looking around. She could feel her heart racing as she grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

Walking over to Chris she held the water out to him "Here you go"

Chris smiled "Thanks"

Gwen let out a deep breath as she took a seat at the couch in front of Chris. The silence was maddening but neither one of them knew what to say. So Gwen tried to break the ice.

"Look. I'm really sorry about you and your husband. That night...wasn't my best night. I was going through a lot. Some family issues and well relationship issues. I just wanted someone to make me forget it all. I saw you at the bar...you looked like you were having the same luck. So I thought why not...we can help cheer each other up. When you told me about you being married...I won't lie I contemplated stopping. But something in me just wasn't having it"

Chris sighed "There's really no point it explaining why it happened. It happened and that's it. We can't take it back now. I guess we can agree though that we both screwed up"

Gwen nodded "Yeah"

Once again silence filled the room. Gwen bit her lower lip and was about to open her mouth till Chris beat her to it.

"Why did you want me to come here Gwen?" 

Gwen shifted in her seat "Because I wanted to apologize in person. I think I owe you that. And because...I...I have something to tell you"

Chris locked eyes with Gwen. He studied her face and shut his eyes slowly.

"Shit" Chris whispered under his breath

Gwen opened her mouth to speak but Chris held his hand up "Don't"

"What?" Gwen replied confused

"Don't say it...I already know where this is going. I just...Gwen. Are you going to tell me what I think you are going to tell me?"

Avoiding eye contact Gwen nodded "I'm sorry. I...I found yesterday"

Chris covered his face with his hands "Oh god. Oh my god"

"If you want me to...I will get rid of it" Gwen whispered softly

Chris scoffed "What? No. I won't let you do that. We did this...we have to take responsibility"

"But you are married. There is no room for a baby in your life. I mean...I'm sure your husband won't want a child in his home that came from a woman that his husband cheated with"

"Look it's not like we can do anything about it now. I mean we can...but I won't let you do that. I refuse to let you do that. We can try to figure this out...I know we can. And as far as my husband...well that's for me to handle" 

Gwen began to cry "I'm so so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I just wasn't thinking clearly...I was just so stupid that night. But...when I talked to you at that bar. Well I've never felt so comfortable with someone like that in a long time. I felt...I felt myself"

Chris couldn't help but feel bad for Gwen. Getting up from the couch Chris sat beside Gwen and pulled her into a hug. 

"I won't lie. It was nice having someone to talk to. Look Gwen...I'll help you. I will be there for this child. Or I will support you the best I can"

Gwen locked eyes with Chris "You will? I mean you don't hate me or anything because of this"

Chris sighed "Well it's not like you did it alone"

After talking for a while longer about how they were going to do this Chris finally left Gwen's apartment. Driving back to his hotel he felt like he was in some sort of warped dream. He felt like any minuet he would wake up and he would see Sebastian sleeping right there next to him. Shit Sebastian...how was he going to tell him? How was Sebastian ever going to look him in the eye again after this. 

Finally making it back to his hotel Chris sat on the edge of his bed and pulled out his phone. Finding Sebastian's number he looked at the dial button on the screen. 

"Shit" Chris growled out as he threw his phone on the couch in front of him

He couldn't do it...no matter how much he wanted to he couldn't. It was then he decided this wasn't going to be something to talk about over the phone. He was going to own up to what he did and tell Sebastian face to face. He just hoped and prayed he wouldn't lose Sebastian forever.


	12. Heart In A Blender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Been busy busy.   
> Anywho...let's do this

Sebastian opened the door and exhaled a deep breath "Give me one reason why I shouldn't just slam the door in your damn face"

"Because that's not who you are. You are to nice of a person to do that babe" Chris replied softly

Sebastian's lips twisted into a wicked smirk "Oh...don't test me"

Chris gulped "Look. Can we talk?"

"Don't really feel like it. Hey...don't I remember saying something along the lines of stay away" Sebastian said crossing his arms and a less than amused look on his face

"Seb please"

Sebastian sighed in frustration "Fuck. Fine. But make it quick"

Chris let himself in and shut the door behind him. He watched as Sebastian grabbed his coffee and took a seat on the couch. His blue green eyes locked on Chris as he waited for Chris to speak.

"Umm look...I came over here because I needed to tell you about my trip back to Washington" Chris said placing his hands in his pocket

"You shaved? Why?" Sebastian asked not making eye contact with Chris

"You noticed? I didn't really think you did" Chris said touching his face

"I notice everything about you Chris. Like I can notice right now you are nervous" Sebastian replied in a faint whisper

"Well to answer your first question. Yeah I shaved...figured it was time. And yeah I am nervous...last time we saw each other it didn't go so great" 

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris "Really? Why? Because I found out you were nothing but a cheat and I gave you a black eye"

"I don't want to fight with you Seb. Can we please just talk without any hostility?" Chris replied looking down to the floor

Sebastian didn't say a word and just motioned for Chris to continue.

"Look I went back to Washington because Gwen asked me to. She said she needed to talk to me. And well we talked and...Seb I'm so sorry"

"For what? Did you screw her again? Because why not? What stopped you the first time?"

"Seb..." 

"Because it's not like you had someone waiting for you back home right? Someone who loves you. Someone who changed everything in his life to be with you. Someone who's been there by your side through all the bullshit"

"Seb...just let me..."

"You know what. Whatever you have to say...I really don't want to hear it. Because I could care less"

Chris sighed "She's pregnant Seb"

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris. It was then all of a sudden Sebastian began to laugh.

"Wow. What can I say? You wanted to be a dad right? Well congrats...now you can get what you want. Then again you always do" Sebastian replied harshly

Chris shut his eyes. Every single word from Sebastian's mouth was like more salt on the wounds. But he had every right...Chris fucked up royally. 

Chris attempted to walk up to Sebastian but was stopped by him holding his hand up 

"Don't...don't you come any closer. How could you do this to me? To us? I thought you loved me. After everything we've been through...people talking about us. Saying such hurtful things about us...but we didn't care. We had each other. You know when I realized that I loved you I was terrified. I'd never been in a relationship like this before...but all I thought about was everything you had done to show me how much you loved me. I almost felt like I didn't deserve it"

"I'm sorry"

"Are you really? Sebastian replied sadly

"Of course. I never meant for this to happen. This was last thing I wanted to happen. But I have to own up to this...now with a child in the mix. I can't just ignore it"

"Why couldn't you have just told her to leave you alone when she walked up to you at that bar? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE NICE GUY CHRIS" Sebastian yelled out 

"I don't know"

"Did you ever once think about me? Did you ever once think about what this could do to us? And now look...she's pregnant"

Chris tried his best to hold back the tears but he couldn't anymore "I KNOW THAT"

"Get out" Sebastian whispered in tears

"Babe please" Chris replied taking a step closer to Sebastian

"I said get out. Just leave"

Chris took a step closer "No"

Sebastian glared "You really don't want to do this with me right now Chris"

"I know you won't hurt me Seb. You know you won't" Chris said taking a few more steps

Now Sebastian was fuming "You are testing your luck"

After a few more steps Chris inches away from Sebastian "Then do it"

Sebastian clenched his jaw and could feel his hands balling into fists "I hate you...I hate you so much"

Chris sighed sadly and hung his head in shame

"But most of all I hate myself. Because despite everything...I can't tell myself to stop loving you. I just can't...and that kills me. It kills me that no matter how bad you've hurt me...my heart just won't shut off the love I have for you"

"Then let me fix this. I know it will be hard now that I know Gwen is pregnant...but I can't lose you Sebastian. I can't. So I'll do everything I have to. To be there for you and be there for this child"

Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat. No matter how bad he just wanted to turn Chris away and tell him to go rot in a hole somewhere he couldn't. He loved him. 

"I don't know Chris. I mean...things will never be the same between us. How am I supposed to trust you? With no trust...there is nothing"

Chris took Sebastian's hand in his "Then I'll earn it"

Sebastian pulled his hand away and turned his back to Chris. Chris watched as Sebastian began to walk to his bedroom...only he stopped halfway

"I'm sorry Chris. But it's not that easy. Now I really think you should go"

"Please don't give up on me Seb. Don't give up on us"

Sebastian looked over his shoulder "I never did. You did that when you decided to cheat on me"

Sebastian finally walked into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Chris exhaled a deep breath before plopping his tired body on the couch. He wasn't going to give up. Some people would have a long time ago. Some would throw it the towel and call it quits. But Chris wasn't one of those people.


	13. Getting...Even??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay finally found time after a hectic and busy day

Sebastian awoke the next morning and dragged his tired body out of bed. Running his fingers through his hair he walked out of his bedroom only to stop in his tracks. Letting out a soft sigh Sebastian saw Chris asleep on the couch. He never left...he spent the night after their conversation. Sebastian slowly made his way over to where Chris was sleeping and tapped him on the leg.

Chris jerked and his eyes shot open "What happen?"

Sebastian gave a melancholy gaze and sighed "Chris. What are you still doing here?" 

"I told you I wasn't leaving until you give me the chance to fix everything"

Sebastian's shoulders dropped "Oh god. Chris...just stop alright"

"Why? Won't you let me fix this?" Chris replied sitting up on the couch

"Because alright" Sebastian replied making his way to the kitchen

Chris watched as Sebastian grabbed a mug from the cupboard and set it down on the counter. 

"Seb?" Chris whispered

"You see how I'm ignoring you. It's because I don't want to talk right now Chris. I just want you to give me some space. That's all I'm asking of you and you can't even do that" 

"I don't want to lose you"

"Please stop Chris" Sebastian replied trying his best to control himself from losing his patience

"No...I won't stop"

That did it. Sebastian finally snapped. Grabbing the mug from the counter Sebastian threw it at the wall behind Chris. Chris dodged the mug with wide eyes as he locked his eyes on Sebastian angry form.

"WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN? WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? FOR FUCK'S SAKE CHRIS. LET ME FUCKING BREATHE"

Chris gave a sad glare "I'm sorry"

Taking a deep breath to calm himself Sebastian locked eyes with Chris "Look Chris. No matter what you do...things aren't going to get better over night. If I choose to forgive you or if I choose to let you go...then that's my choice. But I can't think clearly with you constantly in my face reminding me how bad you screwed things up"

Chris didn't say a word and shoved his hands in his pocket 

"I just want some time for me. And if you love me as much as you say you do...you will respect that. Whether in takes weeks, days or hell even months is my choice"

Chris sighed " You're right. I'm sorry...I'm just scared that if I leave you're side for a second...you'll forget me and not want me around anymore. I just don't want that"

Sebastian frowned "I'm scared too...but sometimes you can't always get what you want"

Chris swallowed the lump in his throat "Well I guess I should go"

"I guess so"

Chris took a few steps back and turned making his way to the front door "Can I call you at least? Or text?"

Sebastian kept his back towards Chris "Just go Chris"

Chris didn't say a word and the last thing Sebastian heard was the sound of Chris walking out and the door shutting behind him. Sebastian exhaled a deep breath and tried his best to hold back the tears as he grabbed the broom to sweep up the broken mug on the floor. 

"Some morning" 

*Later on that day*  
"So how are you doing?" Chris asked softly fidgeting with the zipper on his jacket

"I'm okay. I have my first appointment next week. As soon as I get out from it I'll call you to let you know how it went"

Chris sighed softly "That would be great. Look Gwen...how are we going to do this?"

A moment of silence came between the two.

"What do you mean?"

Chris cleared his throat "Well with you living in Washington and me living over here. Well it won't be easy being able to keep an eye on you or even go to an appointment with you. I mean I would like to be able to be there for at least a few of them"

Gwen exhaled a shaky breath "I don't know. I mean...I don't know what to say. I mean I would like to have you there. But I mean what about your husband and everything else in your life?"

"Look. I'm going to make a suggestion. Whether you take it or not is your choice. But I'm willing to help you find a place here and pay for your rent. That way you can be close and I can at least not have to worry so much"

Gwen sighed "I don't know. Everything I have is here. It won't be easy just to say yes to that"

"Well think on it. Alright" 

Gwen exhaled softly "Alright"

*Later on the night*  
Sebastian groaned as he flipped through the channels on TV. He was bored, frustrated, and just exhausted. He wasn't use to this. He was used to him. Having him around him. Enjoying each other's company while lounging around on the couch. Having him lay his head on his lap while he ran his fingers through his golden brown hair.

"Fuck me" Sebastian mumbled under his breath as he flipped off the TV and sat in the silence.

It was then that Sebastian couldn't handle it anymore and made his way to his bedroom. Walking straight to his closet he chose from his collection of clothes and changed out of his white tank top and grey sweatpants.

Walking into the bathroom Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair and gave himself on last look in the mirror. 

Settling on a pair of blue skinny jeans, basis white t shirt, black leather jacket and a pair of black boots Sebastian gave himself a mental thumbs up. Sebastian was then about to walk out of the bathroom until he caught sight of the silver band on his finger. Locking his eyes on it for a moment Sebastian sighed and slid the ring off his finger and set it on the soap dish on the bathroom.

Grabbing his keys Sebastian walked out the front door and to his car. Getting into the car Sebastian started the car and caught sight of his reflection in the rear-view mirror.

"One night out isn't going to kill you. You need this"

With that Sebastian pulled out of the driveway deciding to let his mood choose where he would wind up.

*Hour Later*  
After driving around town for a while Sebastian finally made his stop at a local club. Sure it wasn't really what he had in mind but what the hell right? Walking into the club Sebastian couldn't help but feel at ease hearing the music fill the building and watching people dance around enjoying themselves. 

Sebastian took a seat at the bar and ordered himself a drink. Waiting for his drink Sebastian found his gaze locked on a couple dancing and sharing a kiss as the smiled at each other. The love in their eyes apparent for one another.

"Love huh?" a voice said from behind Sebastian

Sebastian turned to see a very handsome young man standing behind him. He was tall, bright green eyes, black hair and he had to admit a great body. 

"I'm sorry?" 

"I said love. Great isn't it?" 

"If you say so" Sebastian replied with a smirk

The man smiled softly and extended his hand "I'm Adam"

Sebastian cocked a brow and looked at Adam's hand before taking it "Sebastian"

"So what brings you here...Sebastian?"

Sebastian gave a wry smile "Do you always ask such personal questions with someone you just met?

"Why not? First time for everything right?"

Sebastian smirked "Guess so"

*Few hours later*  
Adam kicked the door close behind them as they kissed hungrily. Tingles going down his spine as Adam ran his fingers under his shirt tracing the lines of his toned stomach.

"Damn. Every inch of you is so fucking beautiful" Adam whispered into his ear.

Sebastian shut his eyes feeling his warm breath on his ear as he felt himself being pushed back. The back of his knees hitting the bed until Adam broke their kiss once more and pushed him down onto the bed.

Sebastian watched as Adam removed his blue jean jacket and then removed his black shirt underneath. Tossing it to the side Adam slowly crawled atop of Sebastian and pinned him down. Catching his lips once more Sebastian shut his eyes once more.

"I love you Seb. You are my world. My everything" Chris whispered into Sebastian's ear as the danced in the London lights

Sebastian blushed "I love you too"

"I promise. I'll never break your heart" Chris said locking his eyes with Sebastian's

Sebastian's eyes flew open as he placed his hand on Adam's chest stopping him from kissing him once again.

"What's the matter?" Adam asked softly

Sebastian got up from the bed and sighed "I can't do this. I'm so sorry that I even attempted to do this"

Adam didn't say a word and just watched as Sebastian walked out of the bedroom and out the front door.

Walking to the car Sebastian got in and sat there. Finally he buried his face in his hands and let out a scream. Breaking into tears Sebastian's leaned his head on the steering wheel

"God you are such an idiot" Sebastian scolded himself mentally 

It was then that Sebastian's phone chimed. Pulling his cell phone from his jacket pocket Sebastian sighed sadly

I know you told me to give you space and not to see you. I'm sorry. I just can't help it. I hope that you are okay, and I just want you to know I love you. Always.- Chris

"Forget him" the voice in the back of Sebastian's head screamed out

Sebastian groaned out "Who are you kidding? You love him"


	14. Sometimes The Heart Is Your Worst Enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super tired but didn't want to disappoint without updating ;)

Sebastian awoke the next day still dressed in his clothes from the night before. He had a horrible headache but at least he had a clear conscience knowing that he didn't do anything stupid. Maybe he felt that if he slept with Adam he would feel a certain sense of gratification. Or some sense of revenge to throw in Chris's face. But he just couldn't do it...in his heart he knew he wouldn't feel better because of it. It would just make him feel worse. 

"Fuck" Sebastian groaned getting out of bed and walking towards the kitchen pulled out a mug from the cupboard. 

Inhaling the scent of the coffee Sebastian poured himself a cup. Bringing the mug to his lips Sebastian was startled by Chris barging in making him drop the mug onto the floor.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sebastian mumbled under his breath in frustration

"We need to talk" Chris said sternly

"What are you doing here?" Sebastian sighed grabbing a towel off the counter to clean up the spilled coffee on the floor

"Like I said I need to talk to you" Chris said watching Sebastian get on his knees to clean up the coffee

Sebastian groaned "I really don't feel like it. So please just go"

It was then that Sebastian had a magazine shoved in his face. Sebastian locked his gaze on the magazine and gasped.

IS THERE TROUBLE IN PARADISE FOR CHRIS EVANS AND SEBASTIAN STAN: STAN SEEN LEAVING CLUB WITH HANDSOME MYSTERY MAN

Sebastian looked up and grabbed the magazine "Are you fucking kidding me with this?"

"No. I saw it on the way to fill up on gas. Who is he Seb?"

Sebastian's eyes slanted with a glare "Why the fuck do you care?"

"Because I have the right to know who my husband is talking to" 

Sebastian chuckled "That's fucking rich. I thought I had the same right too. Obviously not seeing as I had to find out about your affair from a damn text message and not from your own mouth"

"So what, you went out with another guy for some sort of revenge" Chris replied harshly

"If I did what does it matter to you. I told you I just wanted some time for myself and whatever I choose to do during that time is my own damn business. And who are you to judge me...fucking hypocrite" Sebastian replied angrily 

Chris sighed sadly "Where's your wedding ring Seb?"

"What?"

"Your ring. You aren't wearing it" Chris replied sadly

Sebastian looked down at his hand where his wedding ring would be and sighed "I took it off when I went out last night"

Chris clenched his jaw and remained silent

"Look. Last night I went out to just get out of here. I was losing my damn mind sitting alone here at home. So I figured a night out would do me some good. I met Adam at the club...we got to talking and we went back to his place"

Chris felt his stomach twisting into knots hearing the words leaving Sebastian's mouth

"Did you? Did you...fuck I can't even say it" Chris said cringing

"If you are asking if I slept with him...no I didn't. Trust me I tried...but I just couldn't do it" Sebastian replied as he made his way to the couch

Chris exhaled quietly. He felt a sense of relief knowing Sebastian didn't do it. But then he felt a painful sting of guilt knowing that Sebastian couldn't do anything as horrible as cheat on Chris...which made him feel shitty because he couldn't say the same thing.

"When we got to kissing I closed my eyes and all I could see was your stupid face. I could see us dancing that night in the London lights. You telling me how much you loved me and how you promised you would never break my heart. Once I saw that...well I just stopped it before it started"

Chris sat on the couch in front of Sebastian and cleared his throat softly "I remember that night. It was..."

"Perfect. I went back into my car that night and cried like a baby. I cried because no matter how much I try to hate you...I can't. I just fucking can't because I still love you so damn much it hurts. And it hurts more because what you did was horrible"

Chris got off the couch and kneeled before Sebastian "I know baby. And I'm so sorry"

Chris reached out for Sebastian's hand only to have Sebastian pull his hands away "Please don't"

Chris sighed "Seb. Stop"

Sebastian began to cry as Chris took his hands and laced them together. Sebastian couldn't help but relish in the feeling of their hands being joined in such a way again. Without another word Chris pulled Sebastian flush against him and hugged him tightly. He hugged him like if they were never going to see each other again.

Sebastian felt the tears falling down his face as he felt Chris place a sweet kiss on his cheek. 

"I love you Seb. I miss you so much" 

Sebastian hung his head and cried "I miss you too. Chris...what you did to me, well I don't know if I will ever be able to forget it. But what I do know is that I can't stop loving you. I miss having you home. I miss waking up by your side in the morning. Fuck Chris...I sound fucking pathetic"

Chris lifted Sebastian's head placing a finger under his chin. Locking eyes with each other Chris caught Sebastian's lips in a passionate kiss. Sebastian tensed at the feeling...but realizing he just couldn't fight it anymore he gave in. 

In the back of Sebastian's mind he knew this was wrong. Letting Chris do this after everything he had done. But his heart was doing the thinking for him and his heart wanted him. His damn heart would always want him.


	15. So Much For That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I had coffee ;)

Chris gently laid Sebastian on the bed as he took a step back to admire how beautiful Sebastian looked. He was vulnerable with want and love. Sebastian locked eyes with Chris as he swallowed the lump in his throat. Removing his shirt Chris tossed it to the side and got into bed with Sebastian. On his knees in between Sebastian's legs Chris pulled Sebastian against him. Slowly he placed his hand on the hem of Sebastian's shirt. 

Chris looked deep into Sebastian's eyes as if waiting for some kind of signal. Whether it be a sign of him changing his mind or a sign for him to continue. He didn't care he just wanted something.

Sebastian exhaled a deep breath as he helped Chris move his shirt up and over his head

"Seb? Is this what you want? I'm not forcing you to do anything"

Sebastian nodded "Just don't fucking talk. Just shut up"

Chris sighed softly as he felt Sebastian's hands cup his face "Everything inside my head right now is telling me I shouldn't do this"

Chris leaned his head on Sebastian's chest "Then why are you doing it?"

"Because why else would I do this with you. Because I love you" Sebastian replied softly tearing welling up in his eyes

After removing every single article of clothing between the two of them Chris slowly settled between Sebastian's legs. He sighed feeling those powerful thighs wrap around his waist once again. He never thought he was ever going to have this moment ever again. Not wanting to waist another minuet Chris slowly pushed himself inside Sebastian.

Sebastian whimpered at the feeling as he tightened his grip around Chris's waist and clutched onto his biceps. Fuck it felt amazing to feel again.

Chris looked down to see Sebastian's eyes shut in ecstasy as he began to thrust deep inside him. Being with him this way again meant everything in the world to him. 

"Ohh...Jesus" Sebastian mumbled as he felt Chris hit the very core of him with every thrust. He moaned as he raked his nails down Chris's powerful back like a cat would to a scratching post

Chris inhaled a sharp breath. He knew Sebastian broke the skin...but he didn't care. All he wanted was to make this moment last as long as possible.

Chris then pulled Sebastian up from the bed and atop of him. Their bodies still connected in their passionate dance. Sebastian mewled and began to ramble under his breath as he felt his orgasm approaching fast. He wasn't intending on losing himself this quickly. But with everything that had been pent up inside him ranging from anger and need was getting the best of him. 

"Chris...I...can't. Can't hang on" Sebastian choked out as he rode Chris slowly

Chris placed his strong hands on Sebastian's waist "I got you Seb. I always got you"

With that Sebastian shut his eyes tightly as Chris bucked up into him harder and faster. Sebastian's body tensed and he let out a cry that sounded between a mixture of pleasure and pain as his orgasm hit him ten-fold. Chris reached his seeing Sebastian lose himself as he collapsed atop of Chris.

Trying to regain his breath Sebastian sat up and locked eyes with Chris.

"Seb? Are you okay?"

Sebastian didn't say a word and just quickly got off of Chris and slipped on a pair of sweatpants. 

Chris watched as Sebastian rushed to the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Chris quickly pulled on his jeans as he walked to the door. Placing his hand on the knob he found out Sebastian locked it.

"Don't. Just give me a minuet please" Sebastian said from inside the bathroom

"Is everything okay?" Chris asked leaning his back against the bathroom door

Sebastian groaned and buried his face in his hands "No. No everything is not okay"

Chris sighed "Why?"

"Because that wasn't supposed to fucking happen Chris. I just couldn't help it. You just have that over me and I hate it. It's just I missed being with you that...that I let my emotions get the best of me" 

Chris shut his eyes "Please unlock the door Seb"

Sebastian looked up at his reflection in the mirror and inhaled a deep breath. Slowly walking to the door Sebastian unlocked the door and stood there looking like a scolded child.

Chris slowly walked up to Sebastian and placed his hand on his cheek "If you want me to go. I will."

Sebastian clenched his jaw and looked away.

"Do you want me to go?"

Sebastian looked up with tears in his eyes and shook his head no.

"I never wanted you to go Chris. I just thought if I kept pushing you away this would get easier. That I would eventually feel less and less for you. I was wrong. I haven't forgiven you for anything just yet. What just happen between us just now doesn't mean everything is back to normal. But I took some vows not that long ago to promise to not give up on us no matter how hard it got. I intend to make good on them"

Chris gave a weak smile "I'll take anything I can get"

"I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe that's the nice guy in me being an idiot...but oh well. But I'm letting you know now Chris...you fuck up again or do anything stupid to piss me off and we're done. Done as in...just pretend I never existed"

Chris nodded in understanding

"And as far as what just happened. Well consider it as you just got lucky once"

Sebastian then walked pass Chris and out of the bedroom. Chris stood there still trying to absorb what happen. Sebastian had agreed to try to work things out...and Chris vowed that no matter how long it took he was going to fix it.

And that would start by Chris telling Sebastian about him asking Gwen to move closer to him. If this was going to work...Chris was holding nothing back from Sebastian anymore. He couldn't afford to.


	16. Didn't See That Coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rainy Day=Update

*Later on same day*  
After their talk and coming to an agreement Chris came back home and even brought dinner with him. Sebastian still looking a bit unsure joined him at the table. Chris served Sebastian his dinner and smiled at him softly.

"Thank you" Sebastian replied softly as he began to eat

Chris sat before Sebastian and nodded "Welcome"

The two ate in silence for a while until Sebastian set his fork down and looked over to Chris. Clearing his throat softly he spoke.

"Have you spoken to her?"

Chris looked up at Sebastian and gave a nervous smile "Yeah. We spoke yesterday"

Sebastian looked away and the locked his gaze towards the window in the kitchen "And?"

"And she's doing okay. I believe she already had her first appointment. Umm look there is something I have to tell you. And if we are going to try to make this work again. Well that means I shouldn't hold anything back from you" 

Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat as he took his gaze off the window and locked his eyes on Chris. He looked scared...terrified actually.

"I uh. I asked Gwen to move over here. And not for any other purpose...just purely to be able to keep an eye on her and be able to be there if anything happens. You know emergencies and such. She told me she would think about it. But if she does...how does that make you feel?"

Sebastian looked down at his feet and sighed "I honestly can't tell you how I feel about that. I mean I know you are doing this to be a good person. But I...I just don't know"

"You don't know?" Chris replied with a soft chuckle

"it's the truth. I really don't know how I feel about that. You know over these few days..my emotions have been put through the ringer. So don't be surprised if sometimes I have moments of withdrawal every now and then"

Chris remained silent.

"Only I have something I want to tell you" 

Chris perked up in his seat "Okay"

Sebastian inhaled a deep breath and gave a strong look "I want to meet her"

"Huh?"

'Gwen. I want to meet her. I want to talk to her myself. I want to hear everything from someone other than you. And I know that sounds strange...but I want to do this"

Chris couldn't believe what he just heard. Was this still reality?

"Umm are you sure that's what you want to do?" Chris asked with a shaky breath

Sebastian gave a defiant look "Positive"

*Week Later*  
Standing before her apartment door Chris inhaled a deep breath and looked over to Sebastian.

"Well are you going to knock?" Sebastian whispered with a cocked brow

"I don't. I just...are you sure you still want to do this? I mean not everyone wants to meet the person that their husband had cheated on them with"

Sebastian glared "I'm not everyone Chris. Now are you going to knock or not?"

Chris bit his lower lip as he knocked on the door. 

"Was that so hard?" Sebastian whispered flatly

The sounds of Gwen's footsteps could be heard followed by the door unlocking. Opening the door there stood Gwen with a soft smile on her face.

"Chris? What are you doing here?"

Chris gave a nervous smile "Umm I came because...because___"

"Because I asked him to bring me here" 

Gwen gave a confused glare as her gaze moved from Chris to Sebastian

"Gwen. Right?" 

Gwen nodded nervously "Yeah. And you are?"

Sebastian gave a soft smile "I'm Sebastian. Chris's husband"

Gwen felt her throat go dry. Holy shit this was the last thing she expected to happen today. Never did she think when she woke up this morning she was going to meet the husband of the man she had a one night stand with. Or the man who is the father of her unexpected child for that matter.

"So may we come in?" Sebastian asked softly

Gwen didn't say a word and just nodded letting Chris and Sebastian in.

The group all took a seat in Gwen's living room. The tension could be cut with a knife and the silence maddening. Chris bit his lower lip nervously as he switched looks from Gwen to Sebastian.

It was then that Sebastian spoke "Chris. May I please speak to Gwen alone?"

Chris perked up "I...umm"

Gwen sighed nervously before speaking "It's okay Chris. I don't mind"

Chris got up from the couch and walked to the door. Giving one last look to Gwen and Sebastian sitting there before waking out the front door.

After shutting the door behind him Chris groaned "This has to be some kind of twilight zone"


	17. Not Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for the hits,comments and kudos.  
> What I want people to know is that I'm basing this story on actual events that happen within my family.  
> I changed a few things around but this really did happen. That's why this story means a lot to me.  
> Anywho...lets go to the update.

Chris heard Gwen's apartment door open and Sebastian walked out shutting the door behind him. Chris watched in silence as Sebastian made his way to the stairs.

"Where are you going? What happen in there?" Chris asked softly

"We talked. That's it" Sebastian replied simply

Chris watched in confusion as Sebastian walked down the stairs and to the car. What the fuck happen? What did they talk about?

*Conversation Between Seb And Gwen*  
Sebastian cleared his throat and began to speak

"I'm not here to scold you. And I'm not here to call you every name in the book. That's just not me. I'm here because for the past few weeks I've been hearing Chris talk about that night. And I'm tired of it. I want to hear it from someone else other than him...and that someone is obviously you"

Gwen gulped "I don't know what to say. I wish I'm sorry could make it better...but I know it won't. But for what it's worth I am sorry" 

Sebastian sighed "I just want to know why? Out of all the people in the bar that night. Why Chris?"

Gwen shrugged "I don't know. He just looked like he needed a little cheering up. Just like I did. When I saw him that night he looked broken. And I thought why not"

Sebastian let out a soft chuckle "He did tell you he was married. Right?"

Gwen didn't say a word and just nodded a yes

"Hmm. He told me that he wants you to move closer to him due to you being pregnant" 

Gwen shifted in her seat "Yeah. I don't think that would be a good idea"

"I do. I know that comes as a shock...but he's right. He can't take care of you from all the way over there. And you know deep down inside you want to" 

Gwen looked away and locked her eyes on the floor

"You know I don't blame you. And I'm not here to point the finger. I just wish you both would have been adult enough to do the right thing"

With that Sebastian stood from the couch and walked out the front door. Gwen sat there in silence as she exhaled a deep breath. The guilt washing over her.

*Back to Chris and Seb*  
Chris got in the car and glanced towards Sebastian who sat on the passenger side quietly.

"Are you going to tell me anything at all?"

Sebastian kept his eyes locked on the window "What we talked about is between us. Only I will tell you this part. I told her to move closer to you. I know that probably shocks you...but you are right in that area. It would be hard to keep an eye on her and be there being miles apart from each other"

"You...you told her that?"

Sebastian sighed softly "Yes. We talked about other things and well it made think about everything that has been happening. And it made realize something" 

"Which would be what?" 

Sebastian turned to face Chris and gave him a heartbroken look "I thought I could do this. I thought that day we made love I was ready to forgive you. But I'm not...and I don't know if ever will. I've been being lenient because I thought somehow it would fix things. That somehow if I just tried to push it all away and lock it somewhere in the back of my mind it would go away. But it won't. Hearing her tell me everything about that night ripped me apart. I love you Chris...but you broke my heart. And I don't know if you could ever fix it. Not even if you forced me to try"

Chris felt his heart breaking "What are you saying?"

Sebastian began to cry and buried his face in his hands. His body shaking from crying so hard.

"Seb?"

Sebastian looked up at Chris with a tear stained face "I'm saying...I want a divorce"

"No...baby. No you don't" Chris said finally breaking down

Sebastian began to cry once again "Chris. Please don't make this harder than it already is. But you know this...things will never be the same again. And no matter how much I wish they could be. All I'll ever think about is you and her together"

Chris reached out for Sebastian's hand "It was accident. I was drunk...you know you are all I want. Baby I love you"

"That doesn't make it any better. It doesn't justify it. You had the choice to turn her away. And you didn't" 

Chris remained silent and hung his head in shame.

"This is my choice. My decision. And if you love me like you say you do,well then you will respect it. I know it's not what you want...but for once Chris now you know that you can't always get what you want"

Chris looked up at Sebastian and frowned "But I love you"

"I thought you did too. So now...you have one less thing to worry about" Sebastian replied sadly

The couple remained silent until Sebastian spoke "I'd like to go home now"

Chris didn't say a word and just nodded. Starting the car the two began the silent drive to the airport.

*Few Weeks later*  
Chris never thought he would be doing this in a million years. This was the last thing on his agenda of things to do. Moving things out of your former home that you shared with your soon to be ex husband was totally not on there. But it had to be done.

"Do you need help? And I'm not saying that to be a jerk" Sebastian said from behind Chris

Chris looked from over his shoulder "No. It's okay. I got it"

Sebastian sighed softly "So...umm where will you be staying?"

"Oh umm Mackie said it was okay that I stayed with him for a while. You know just until I get everything settled in my new place"

"Ohh okay. Look Chris...I. I don't want things between us to get ugly. I don't want to be one of those couples."

Chris turned to face Sebastian "We won't be. There no reason to be. We agreed that this is what you want. And I agreed to...I agreed to not force you to stay anymore. No matter how bad I want to"

Sebastian remained silent as he watched Chris pick up another box of his things and walk to his car. Sebastian stood there for a minuet until he decided to follow Chris outside. Chris closed the trunk of his car and walked up to Sebastian who stood on the porch steps. 

"Um I still have a few things left that I don't have room for so I'll be back tomorrow. If that's okay with you?"

Sebastian nodded "Of course. If I'm not here...you still have the key copy"

Chris didn't say a word and just pulled Sebastian in for a hug 

"If I could do it over I would...in a heartbeat. I'd do anything to fix it. Anything so you wouldn't have to be going through all this and feel all this pain"

Sebastian shut his eyes hearing those words and feeling Chris's warm breath on his ear for maybe the last time.

Chris let go of his hold on Sebastian and without another word he walked to his car. Getting in Chris gave one last look at Sebastian and started the car and drove away.

Sebastian stood there and sighed sadly "I wish you could too Chris"


	18. It's Just My Heart Won't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The FEELS

*Weeks Later*  
Sebastian sat in the kitchen a cup of coffee in one hand as he looked down at the papers before him. Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat as he flipped through the papers one last time. This was not the way he imagined starting his morning. Going through divorce papers was not a good boost to his morning.

Inhaling a deep breath Sebastian landed on the last paper where he was to sign his name. Reaching over for the pen across the table Sebastian placed the pen on the paper and shut his eyes. 

"This is what you want. You have to do this. You know things will never be the same if you try to force it to work" Sebastian thought to himself

Opening his eyes and after a moment of hesitation Sebastian signed his name across the bold black line. And just like that his part was done. Now all he had to do was give the papers to Chris to sign. He just hoped Chris would be understanding about it.

*Later on that day*  
"So who's going to help you move some of your stuff over here" Chris asked pulling some of his things out of one of the few boxes of things he had left to unpack

Gwen sighed softly "I have my cousin helping me. She knows my situation and is willing to help me out. I won't even bother to tell my parents. So far they aren't to crazy about what has been going on"

Chris nodded "Well as long as you have help"

"Chris? How are things going with you and your husband?"

Chris exhaled a deep breath "Not so good I hate to say...he uhh. He asked for a divorce"

Gwen remained silent on her end

"Look before start saying this is your fault...it's not alright. I messed up...so this is all on me. So don't stress out...it's not good for you or the baby"

"I just feel so awful. That day we spoke he was just so kind. Which shocked me to be honest. He could have been mean and called me every name in the book but he didn't"

Chris smiled softly "That just how he is. Sebastian is a wonderful person. Look umm when do you get to find out if its a boy or a girl"

Gwen cleared her throat. She knew Chris was trying to change the subject...she didn't blame him. It was a little hard to talk about.

"In two more weeks. I'll call you as soon as I find out" 

"I'd like that"

It was then that Chris heard a knock on the door. 

"Hey I have to call you back alright. We'll talk more later and you can let me know more or less when you'll be getting here" 

Gwen sighed "Alright. Talk to you later"

Chris placed his cell phone on the counter and made his way to the front door. Opening it Chris felt his heart stop for a second.

"Seb"

"Hi Chris. How are you?" 

Chris smiled softly "I've been better. Uh how have you been?"

Sebastian gave a weak smile "Hanging in there. Um may I come in?"

"Of course. Excuse the mess. I'm still in the middle of unpacking just a few things" Chris replied with a smile as he moved aside for Sebastian to walk in.

Sebastian walked in and looked around "It's a very nice place Chris"

"Thanks. So what brings you here?" 

Sebastian bit his lower lip and sighed "I came because. Well because I have to give you these"

With that Sebastian set down his satchel and pulled out a small stack of papers.

Handing them to Chris, Chris took the papers and looked over them

"What are these?" 

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris "They are the divorce papers. I uhh need you to look over them and sign them. I already did this morning"

Chris perked up "You did?"

Sebastian nodded "Yeah"

Chris held the papers in his hands and cleared his throat "Okay well I'll look them over and when I'm done with them I'll give them back to you"

"Signed?"

Chris sighed "Yeah Seb. Signed"

"Look I have to go. It looked like it wanted to rain on the way over here. So I should get going I hate driving in the rain"

Chris nodded "Looks like it beat you"

Chris pointed to the window. Sebastian looked toward the window.

"Shit. Look just look over the papers and give them back to me when you can"

Chris nodded 

Before walking out the door Sebastian turned to look over his shoulder "I'm glad you are doing okay Chris"

Chris watched from the window as Sebastian rushed to the car. The rain was coming in strong.

Holding the papers in his hand Chris tossed them on the counter and rushed out into the rain

"SEB" Chris called out 

Sebastian stopped. He was drenched but he still looked beautiful.

"Those papers" Chris said walking up to Sebastian in the rain

"What about them? Sebastian replied softly

Chris looked down "I can't. I can't sign them"

Sebastian shut his eyes "Chris. Please don't do this. I thought you agreed to respect my decision to do this"

"I know but...I know that if I look at those papers that it's truly over. And I don't want it to be"

Sebastian swallowed "It was over the moment you cheated on me Chris. Please stop being so selfish"

Chris didn't say a word. The sound of the rain falling was the only sound heard. Both of them drenched and cold from the rain but they just stood there looking at each other. Chris with guilt in his eyes and Sebastian's eyes heartbroken.

"Just sign the damn papers Chris" 

With that Sebastian got into the car. Chris heard the sound of the car starting and watched as Sebastian drove off. 

Still standing in the rain Chris sighed sadly "Fuck"

Driving in the rain Sebastian soon pulled over and parked under a bridge. Breaking down into tears Sebastian caught his reflection in the mirror.

"I've cried way to many times in this car"


	19. What's Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found Time Before Work

*Later on that day*  
Chris sat in the kitchen looking down at the papers before him. He read through a few of them before skipping to the last page. Sighing softly Chris saw where Sebastian had signed his name. Lifting his hand Chris traced the signature with his finger. 

"Shit" Chris mumbled in frustrating.

Getting up from his seat at the kitchen Chris walked over to the counter and grabbed a pen. Taking his seat back at the kitchen Chris brought the pen down to the paper. He could feel like his heart had fallen to the pit of his stomach just looking at the pen on that paper. 

Shutting his eyes Chris saw the image of Sebastian standing there in the rain. He looked so broken, lost almost. As if he didn't really know what to do with his life anymore. After all Chris was a huge part of his life. Sebastian had always told him day after day that Chris was his everything.

"I love you Chris. I don't know what I'd do without you" 

Chris smiled softly "I love you too babe. And don't worry I'm not going anywhere"

Chris's eyes flew open at the sound of someone knocking on the door. Setting the pen down Chris walked to the door and opened it. 

"Hey man" Chris said with a soft smile

Mackie smiled back and hugged Chris "Hey man. How are you doing?"

Chris sighed "I've been better. Come on in"

Mackie walked in and looked around "Hey man this is a nice place you got here. Has you know who been over to see it?"

"Yeah he was here earlier. He liked it and then he handed me these afterwards" Chris said grabbing the papers off the table.

Mackie groaned already having a feeling what they were before they hit his hands "Damn. Divorce papers?"

Chris shoved his hands in his pockets "Yup. He sighed them already"

Mackie flipped through the last page and sure enough there was Sebastian's signature.

"Damn Chris. Look I never thought this would ever happen between you guys. When I saw you guys together I saw how much you guys loved each other. I gotta say...it's hard seeing you guys go through this"

Chris walked over to his couch and plopped himself on it "I can't do it Mack. I can't sign those papers"

"I know it's hard Chris...but you can't force him to try and make things work if he doesn't want to"

Chris frowned "I just feel like if I sign those papers it's truly over for us. And I know it my heart of hearts it's not. I know we can work through this"

Mackie sighed "And what if you can't. Look I'm not being negative...just logical. You told me that he tried right?"

"Well yeah"

"And what happen?"

Chris sighed "He said he couldn't do it. Because everything between us would never be the same"

Mackie remained quiet.

"Fuck" Chris groaned out 

Taking the papers out of Mackie's hands Chris flipped through the pages until he landed on the page to sign. Walking with the papers in his hands Chris set them on the table and finally signed his name on the bold line.

"Chris?"

Chris didn't say a word and just walked to his bedroom and shut the door behind him

Mackie exhaled a deep breath "Damn"

*Next Morning*  
Sebastian rubbed his tired eyes as he walked to the front door after hearing someone ring the doorbell.

"I'm coming" Sebastian mumbled under his breath

Opening the door Sebastian took a step back.

"Chris? What are you doing here so early?" 

Chris didn't say a word and just held out the divorce papers to Sebastian

"I signed them. Just like you wanted me to" Chris whispered softly

"Chris I...___" 

"Look um I have to go. I have some more unpacking left and I just want to get it over with" Chris replied with a weak smile

"Ohh...okay. Thank you for bringing the papers back to me" Sebastian replied faintly

Chris adjusted his cap and smiled softly "I told you I would Seb. I'll see you when I see you"

And just like that Chris got into his car and drove off. Sebastian walked back inside and set the papers on the counter. Flipping through the pages Sebastian landed on the page where he signed days before to now find Chris's signature there.

"Christopher Evans" Sebastian whispered touching Chris's signature with his finger

Sebastian was about to place the papers down until he noticed a paper attached to the paper behind it.

It had Sebastian's name on it. Taking the paper in his hand Sebastian opened it and felt his heart leap into his throat.

My Darling Sebastian,  
Writing this letter is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. On second thought scratch that. Signing these papers were the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I just wanted to let you know that even though I signed these papers. I'm not giving up on us. You are an amazing person Sebastian and I love you with every fiber of my being. I will never stop loving you..not even after I take my last breath. I love you Seb. Always and forever.

-Chris-

Seb closed the note and set it aside.

Burying his face in his hands Sebastian groaned "Sometimes...I just fucking hate him"


	20. When It All Boils Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fresh out of Work Update

"I'm coming. Hold your horses" Chris called out as he rushed to the door

Finally making it to the door Chris opened it "Seb?"

Sebastian looked hurt and angry. Holding up the letter that was attached to the papers Sebastian spoke.

"What the fuck is this Chris?" 

Chris exhaled a shaky breath "It's a piece of paper"

Sebastian's eyes narrowed "Don't be a smartass. Now is not the time. Now I'm going to only ask one more time. What. The. Fuck. Is. This."

Chris let out a long sigh "It's a letter. A letter I wrote for you. A letter that I think you deserved to read"

"Why would you write this? Why? Why now?" Sebastian replied harshly

Chris hung his head "Because I felt like you needed to know"

Sebastian scoffed "So what. You write a letter and you think that it's going to fix everything?"

Chris nodded "No. Not at all. I just wrote because I wanted you to know how I felt. Look I don't understand why you are upset. I signed the damn papers"

"That's not the point. You always do this Chris. You told me you would respect my choice to get a divorce and you write this. How do you think this makes me feel?"

Chris groaned out "Look if it pisses you off that much throw the damn letter away"

"You shouldn't have written it in the first place"

"FOR FUCKS SAKE. FINE. I'M SORRY. EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO TELL YOU HOW I FELT. EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO REACH OUT TO MY HUSBAND ONE LAST TIME"

"THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT"

Chris growled in frustration as he tried to calm himself "Fine Seb. Then what is?"

"The point is...that you aren't respecting my choice at all. You are still trying to force me to stay"

"You wanted a divorce. I didn't" 

Sebastian frowned "Neither did I. But you cheated. You had every chance to do the right thing and you didn't"

"I know that. And I've been telling you over and over again that I'm sorry. For fuck's sake Seb do you want me to get on my knees cause I will"

Sebastian sighed "No. I don't want you to do that"

"Then what do you want from me. 

"To just let me be"

Chris sighed sadly "Fine"

Sebastian sighed and placed the letter on the counter "I'm sorry Chris"

"Yeah me too"

Chris just kept his back turned to Sebastian. The last thing Chris heard was the sound of him opening the door and closing it behind him.

*Weeks Passed*  
"Are you sure you don't need anything else?" Chris asked Gwen helping her set some of her things in her new apartment

Gwen nodded and smiled softly "No. Thank you. Look Chris...I want to thank you for doing this. Even though I know you really didn't want to"

Chris scoffed playfully "What do you mean? I wanted to do this. I wanted to help you. No one forced me to"

"But you were obligated to" Gwen replied with a soft shrug

Chris remained quiet

"You know if circumstances were different you wouldn't even give me a second glace. You pretty much would pretend I never existed...and I get that. I understand it. I know you love your husband. And I know that it's killing you that your losing him"

"I'm not losing him" Chris replied quickly

"Case in point. You are hurting and it's my fault. And please don't tell me that it's not"

"It's both our faults" Chris replied sadly

"But it's over and done with. And now there is a baby coming in a few months. So that changes everything" 

Gwen sighed "Yeah"

"Look I have to go. Just let me know if you need anything okay. And um I'll pick you up early Friday morning for your appointment"

Gwen nodded as she watched Chris walk out the front door and to his car.

*The Next Day*  
"So Mr. Stan. During this negotiation we are going to ask you what is it that you are asking of Mr. Evans" 

Sebastian looked across the table at Chris. He looked exhausted and not like the Chris he was used to seeing. It was like he had just given up

"Mr. Stan?" the woman said breaking Sebastian out of his thoughts

"I'm not asking for anything. It's not money or property. It's not that at all. I just feel that our marriage will never be the same because of the choice Chris made"

"Mr Evans. Your thoughts and what you ask of Mr. Stan"

" I really don't know what to say anymore. I'm not asking anything of him either. I've tried my best to try to fix things on my own. And that's hasn't worked. If this is what makes him happy...so be it"

Sebastian felt his heart drop. Chris had given up. He wasn't fighting for him anymore. Then again Sebastian gave him every reason not to.

"Are you both in agreement to take this to trial" the woman asked softly

Chris only shrugged.

"We'll discuss it. Thank you"

After the negotiation Chris walked out of the room with Sebastian following right behind him. Catching Chris by the forearm Sebastian stopped him in his tracks.

"Chris? Is everything okay?" 

Chris chuckled lightly "Is everything okay? Let's see...my husband who I love more than anything in this world is about to be my ex husband in just a matter of time. Things are fantastic"

Sebastian gave a dejected sigh "Chris. Please. I'm just worried about you"

"Don't. In fact you shouldn't worry about me at all starting now. It will make this a whole lot easier"

With that Chris turned and walked away leaving Sebastian standing there speechless.


	21. Ce Que Le Cœur Veut ... Elle Veut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those Sleepless Nights

Sebastian tried his best to put on a smile. He couldn't believe he was doing this but he would try anything to get his mind off of what he had been going through the past few weeks. 

"So are you at least enjoying yourself" he asked with warm smile

Sebastian gave a weak smile "Yes I am. Thank you. Look I'm sorry if I seem a bit distracted"

He smiled softly "It's alright I get it. It's been a while I presume...you know being on a date"

Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck "Yeah it has. But I figured why not right? Live a little"

His name was Aaron. He was smart, attractive and had a great sense of humor. They met while Sebastian was unwinding at a local coffee shop. Aaron was respectful and kind. He understood Sebastian's situation and decided not to press the subject further. When Aaron asked Sebastian out...he hesitated at first. Dating while going through a divorce wasn't really on his to-do list. But he couldn't stay cooped up alone forever.

"You know when me and Chris went on our first date, we were in London. He surprised me with roses everywhere and a whole restaurant to ourselves. It was amazing"

Aaron smiled softly "Sounds amazing"

"That was the happiest I'd been in a long time. It was then and there that I realized I loved him. Like truly loved him"

"Did you not love him before hand?" Aaron asked bringing his glass of wine to his lips

"Well...that's a bit complicated to explain. You see I was afraid...terrified. I had known Chris for a long time and never saw him in that way. So it was hard for me to truly accept my actual emotions for him. Oh god...I should stop"

Aaron smiled softly "No it's okay. It doesn't bother me"

"I'm on a date rambling about my soon to be ex husband" Sebastian replied embarrassed 

Aaron cocked his head and smiled "No. You are rambling about your husband. Because in all honesty...I've never heard anyone talk about someone they love like that and say that it's an ex"

Sebastian didn't say a word and just brought his glass of wine to his lips.

*Few Days Later*  
Chris all but dragged his tired body into the building. It was another day and another negotiation meeting. Only this would be the meeting that Chris and Sebastian would come with their answer on taking their divorce to trial. Chris made his way to the elevator and pushed the up button. Sighing softly Chris waited for the beep of the elevator. He was just so drained and tired...he was surprised he even made it here.

Finally the sound of the elevator doors opening snapped Chris out of his daze. Once the elevator came to a stop Chris waited for the doors to open and then walked out. Making his way to the end of the hall Chris walked into the same office as before. 

"Mr. Evans? What are you doing here?" 

Chris gave a confused glare "What do you mean? I'm here for the meeting?"

She gave a puzzled expression "Did Mr. Stan not tell you?"

"Tell me what?" 

"He called off the negotiation. In fact from how he sounded he just wanted to forget about the whole thing. I told him he still needed to take care of other things if this was what he wanted to truly do. He said he would take care of it as soon as he could"

Chris's eye grew wide.

"Mr. Evans?"

"I have to go"

With that Chris rushed out of the office and all but ran to the elevators.

*Hour Later*  
Chris pulled up to Sebastian's driveway and turned off the car. He made his way up the porch steps and rang the doorbell. Sebastian's footsteps could be heard from inside coming closer to the door.

Finally the door opened and there he stood with a furrowed brow

"Chris?"

Chris nodded "We need to talk"


	22. Emotional Roller-coaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found Some Time Before Work

Sebastian sighed softly as he walked away from the door leaving it open for Chris to walk in. Closing the door behind him Chris stood behind the kitchen counter while Sebastian took a seat at the kitchen table.

"What do you want to talk about now?"

Chris cocked a brow "Really? That's how we are going to start this conversation?"

Sebastian moved a strand of hair out of his face and cleared his throat "Fine then. You talk"

"Well so far today has been interesting" Chris replied with a soft smile

Sebastian gave a less than amused glare "Really how so?"

"Well I woke up early. Earlier than I planned. I got ready and got in my car and began my drive to the legal office. You know the office we just at a few days ago. The same office where we were supposed to meet today. Only I was the only one who showed up because someone forgot to inform me that the meeting was called off" 

Sebastian looked up at Chris. He looked tired but still breathtaking.

"Why did you do that Sebastian? Why did you call off the meeting?" Chris asked faintly

Sebastian chuckled lightly "I went on a date last night"

Chris had to admit. He was a bit taken aback by that "Really?"

"Yeah. I have to admit...he had to do a lot of convincing to get me to go out with him. He was smart, attractive and very sweet. Anyway he picked me up and took me out to dinner. Even pulled my chair out to" Sebastian said with a soft smile

Chris glared "I've pulled your chair out before"

Sebastian cocked a brow at Chris" Anyway I was out with this nice and attractive man and I all I could talk about was you. Our first date, the first time you told me you loved me and the day I realized I was in love with you"

Chris gave a weak smile "Really?"

Sebastian nodded "Yeah really. I apologized to him. I told him I'm sorry for rambling about my soon to be ex husband. Know what he told me?"

Chris shrugged "No"

"He told me I'm not rambling about my soon to be ex-husband. I'm rambling about my husband. Because no one who talks about someone with that much love calls them an ex. After he dropped me off I came home went into the bedroom and cried. I cried like a five year old. It was then that I realized I wasn't as ready as I thought I was."

"To date?" Chris asked softly 

Sebastian nodded and locked eyes with Chris "To let you go"

Chris felt his heart stop "What do you mean?"

"I thought this asking for a divorce would make it easier. You know just end it and that's it. You'll never have to deal with that again. I was wrong. Those days that I saw you for that meeting. I was scared...because you gave up. You gave up on us and me. I never thought you were capable of that"

Chris sighed "I just thought. Why fight? It's not that I didn't want to...I just figured you didn't care anymore"

"I do. I always will. So that's why I called and talked to the right people and decided to withdraw the divorce"

Chris perked up "What?"

"I just...I just can't fight with you anymore. I don't want to. I love you way too much for that. And I don't care if people say that I'm some idiot for doing what I did. fuck em they don't know my heart"

Chris glared softly "Did you really talk about me during your whole entire date?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes "I just bared my heart and soul to you and that's your reply"

Chris shook his head and slowly walked up to Sebastian. Sebastian held his breath as if he didn't know what to expect next. 

"You are an amazing person. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you. Anyone else would have just walked away. Would have just called it quits...but you didn't. I hurt you so badly and I am sorry. I don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of you"

Sebastian remained silent

"These past few days have been emotional. Our love has truly been tested"

Sebastian nodded "Yes it has. But I feel our feelings for each other are stronger than this. It will take time....how long I'm not sure. But we can always start from the beginning"

Sebastian held out a hand "Hi I'm Sebastian"

Chris chuckled softly "Shut up"

Sebastian smiled softly as he kept his eyes locked on Chris who leaned in and kissed him sweetly.

"And you are?" Sebastian replied playfully

Chris sighed softly "Seriously. Shut up"

Sebastian smiled softly as he and Chris embraced in a hug for the first time in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to...I missed them together


	23. Adjusting Is Always A Pain In The Ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick update  
> Don't know if I'll update later  
> It's the hubby's birthday

Sebastian rubbed his eyes as he made his way to the door. Opening the door Sebastian smiled softly. There stood Chris with a huge grin and two bags one in each hand.

"What are you doing here so early?" Sebastian asked softly

Chris smiled "Well I woke up earlier than I wanted to. So I figured why not pick up some breakfast for the both of us. So...hungry?"

Sebastian gave a wry smile "Starved"

Sebastian stepped aside to allow Chris to walk in and closed the door behind him. After their conversation last night Chris and Sebastian had agreed to take things slow. Chris agreed to Sebastian's request of him still staying in his own place until he was ready for him to move back in. Sebastian said it would help with the process of taking things slow and also give him the space that he needed. Which Chris agreed...he didn't want to smother Sebastian and ruin things before they got better.

Taking a seat at the table with his fresh cup of coffee in hand Sebastian cleared his throat "So umm what are your plans for today?"

Chris swallowed the food in his mouth and spoke "Well I have a few errands to run and then later on Gwen has an appointment. Then after that I'm free"

Sebastian gave a weak smile as he set his fork down "Hmm"

Chris looked up to see Sebastian hanging his head and sighed "Seb? Are you okay?"

Sebastian shook his head but couldn't manage to make eye contact with Chris. Chris noticed this and sighed softly.

"It's because I said her name. Right?" 

Sebastian looked up and locked eyes with Chris. His blue-green eyes catching the light perfectly.

"This is going to take some time to adjust to. You know her being apart of our lives. But I won't lie...it still stings hearing her name leave your mouth"

Chris frowned "I'm sorry. But you know you are the only one for me. She understands that. I do care about her because she is the mother of my child...but I can't say that I'm in love with her. I know that's sounds terrible but it's the truth"

Sebastian exhaled deeply "I think I'm going to take a shower"

"Aren't you going to eat?"

Sebastian smiled weakly "Later. I promise"

Chris watched as Sebastian walked to the bedroom and shut the door behind him. He knew it pained Sebastian every time Gwen's name was brought up...it pained him to say it in front of him. Sighing Chris shoved the plate of food in front of him. Burying his face in his hands Chris sighed.

"This is going to be one hell of an adjustment period"

*Later On That Day*  
Gwen shifted in her seat as she broke the silence between her and Chris. She could tell he had something on his mind so she decided to try and make conversation.

"I just wanted to let you know...I'm happy you and your husband have decided to work things out" 

Chris looked over to Gwen and smiled "Thank you"

Gwen smiled and nodded "He's a very sweet person"

Chris blushed "Yeah he is. I got lucky. You know at first he didn't want anything to do with me...well relationship wise"

"And now here you are" Gwen replied with a light chuckle

Chris smiled softly "So? Are you excited to find out what's cooking in there?"

Gwen laughed "Oh my god that's the best thing I've heard come out of your mouth in weeks"

Chris chuckled "Well are you?"

Gwen sighed "I'll be happy just knowing it's a healthy baby"

Chris agreed "Me too"

Gwen locked eyes with Chris and smiled softly "Listen Chris. There has been something I've been wanting to talk to you about for a while now. It's just I never knew how to come around to bringing it up. But now since you and your husband are trying to work things out I think it's now or never"

Chris looked at Gwen with a puzzled expression "Alright"

Gwen was about to open her mouth until her name was called out. Gwen sighed and shut her eyes.

"Look umm we'll just talk about it afterwards okay"

Chris nodded "Okay sure"

"Well let's find out what's cooking shall we"

Chris chuckled "I should have just kept my mouth shut"

*Later On That Night*  
Sebastian shifted in his seat on the couch and cleared his throat

"So she wants to talk to both of us?"

Chris nodded "Yeah. She said it was something that dealt with all of us. I don't know what it could possibly be but I just want to know that you are okay with her coming over here and talking to you"

Sebastian fidgeted with one of the buttons on his shirt and looked up at Chris "Okay. That's fine"

Chris placed his hands in his pockets "Well I'll go pick her up and we can find out what she wants to talk about"

Sebastian didn't say a word and only nodded. Chris was about to walk to the door till Sebastian spoke.

"You never told me. Boy or girl?"

Chris looked over his shoulder and smiled softly "Boy"

Sebastian smiled softly "Hmm congrats"

"Thank you. Well look I'll be right back okay"

With that Chris walked out the door and left Sebastian alone sitting on the couch. It was still so unreal to him that Chris was going to be a father. Sebastian shut his eyes and leaned back on to the couch. His mind racing with a million things of what Gwen could possibly want to talk about. 

Sebastian sighed "You can do this. You can do this"


	24. What Can I Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally found time to update. Thanks to you all for hanging in there with me :)))

Sebastian perked up at the sound of the door opening. Looking up he saw Chris with a soft smile and Gwen right behind him. Sebastian gave a weak smile as Gwen walked up to Sebastian nervously.

"Hi again" Gwen said faintly not knowing whether to make eye contact with Sebastian

Sebastian nodded "Hi"

Chris eyes went from Gwen and Sebastian a few times before speaking.

"Uh Gwen have a seat" 

Gwen sat down slowly. Sebastian couldn't help but feel a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. That and the small sting of pain seeing Gwen's growing belly as she sat down.

Sebastian sighed softly "So Chris said that you needed to talk to us about something?"

Gwen cleared her throat "Yes I did. I was going to talk to you both about this subject a while back ago but Chris had told me that you two were having some personal problems. I didn't press the subject further, but I decided I would wait for the right time. And well now that I see that you two plan to work things out, I figured why not"

Chris rubbed the back of his neck nervously "So? What is it?"

Gwen exhaled a deep breath "When I found I was pregnant. I was terrified. I didn't know what to think. All I knew is that my life was going to change forever...but at the same time I realized over time. I'm not as ready as I thought"

Sebastian gave a confused glance towards Chris before looking towards Gwen

"I don't understand"

"Chris I know how happy you are knowing this baby is coming soon. I remember you telling me that your biggest dream is to be a dad. I admire that. But I'm not ready to be a mother. So that's why when this baby is born...I want you to have full custody of him. I know that sounds horrible...but I know he'll be in good hands"

Chris's eyes grew wide while Sebastian's mouth fell open in shock.

"Gwen? What are you saying?"

"I'm saying this baby deserves someone who is ready and someone who can take care him and not worry about how things are going to work out. I can't do that to this child...I can't be a parent...not just yet. Now I'm not saying I won't be in his life...I will but just in a different way"

Sebastian scoffed "I can't believe this"

Gwen and Chris both looked towards Sebastian 

"You aren't ready to be a mother. So you want us to take care of that for you?"

"No. I...I just want him to have the life he deserves"

"If you weren't ready...maybe you shouldn't have messed around"

Chris glared at Sebastian "Seb. I don't think that's fair"

"Fair? Fair? Are you kidding me? 

"Maybe this was a bad idea" Gwen whispered to Chris

"No. It wasn't. Seb can I talk to you in the bedroom please? Gwen you stay put right there"

Gwen frowned and nodded as she watched Sebastian and Chris walk into the bedroom shutting the door behind them.

"Seb I can understand how you feel right now but___"

Sebastian chuckled "Do you? Do you really understand Chris? A child is a huge responsibility. It doesn't come with a manual and it's doesn't ask you if you are ready for it or not."

Chris sighed "I know that. But...If she's not ready I would rather take care of that child, my child instead of worrying if things will be okay. She's doing the right thing. She's being honest. I was already ready to be a father...but some women aren't always ready to be mothers"

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris "Just because you feel you are ready doesn't mean I am. It's not fair to assume that of me. Look I don't what to say anymore. This isn't a decision that is made overnight...Chris I love you but. This is going to take some time to think about"

"I understand and I get that. Just please...whenever you are ready. You know you can tell me"

Chris then walked up to Sebastian and kissed him sweetly "I'm gonna go talk to her. And then I'll take her home"

Sebastian nodded "Alright"

Chris moved a strand of hair from Sebastian's face "Do you want me to come back?"

"That's up to you. If do great...if you don't. Well then I'll see you tomorrow"

Chris nodded "Alright. Well I'm just gonna...yeah"

Sebastian watched as Chris walked out of the room and shut the door behind him. Throwing his tired body on the bed Sebastian covered his face with his hands and exhaled deeply.

"What the fuck just happen?"

*A While Later*  
Gwen looked over at Chris as he drove her back to her place.

"Was he upset? He seemed upset?" Gwen asked nervously

Chris smiled and shook his head "No. He's just a bit confused. And a bit nervous"

Gwen leaned her head back and placed a hand on her belly "You must think me a terrible person for suggesting such a thing. But it's true...I don't think I'm ready for this. And I know that you are...you will take amazing care of our son"

Chris smiled softly "Look just give Sebastian some time. He'll come around...okay"

Gwen nodded "Okay"

*Hour Later*  
Chris walked into the bedroom to find Sebastian asleep. He looked so peaceful...just so damn breathtaking. Kicking off his shoes quietly Chris removed his shirt and kept only his sweatpants on as he slipped into bed cuddling up with Sebastian. Pulling him close Chris wrapped an arm around his waist.

"I love you Seb"

Sebastian slowly opened his eyes "I love you too Chris"

"Things will be okay...right?"

Sebastian bit his lower lip and sighed softly "I hope so Chris. I really hope so"


	25. Those Damn Sudden Rifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woke Up Early  
> Rainy Day

Sebastian's eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Chris's soft lips on his neck. 

"Chris" Sebastian whispered softly trying his best to keep his composure 

Chris kept on with his sweet kisses and let his fingers begin to trace Sebastian's toned stomach

Sebastian took in a sharp breath "Chris"

Still ignoring Sebastian, Chris let his hand roam lower until finally Sebastian caught him by the forearm. Chris groaned.

"What's the matter? Don't you want to?"

Sebastian kept his back still towards Chris "We're supposed to be taking things slow"

Chris sighed and laid his forehead on Sebastian's back "I was going slow"

Sebastian sighed "I don't think trying to shove you're hand down my pants is taking things slow. And I'm not really in the mood...sorry"

Chris let out a sigh as he watched Sebastian get out of bed and made his way towards the kitchen. Lying in the bed for a few more minuets Chris reluctantly got up from bed to follow Sebastian.

"Is it because of what was talked about last night?" 

Sebastian pulled a mug from the cabinet and sighed "No"

Chris pulled out a seat from the kitchen table and frowned "Please don't lie to me Seb"

Sebastian turned and sighed in frustration "I said no alright. Just because I don't want to have sex with you doesn't always mean something is wrong. Besides it's like I said we agreed to take things slow and sleeping with you after we just got back together doesn't mean sex is always involved"

Chris gave a dejected sigh "Seb___"

"Just drop it alright. Just...please" Sebastian whispered burying his face in his hands

Chris got up from his seat at the table and walked up to Sebastian. At first Sebastian pulled away but once he felt Chris's arms wrap around him he melted into the embrace and couldn't help the tears from falling.

"Chris. I'm so sorry...I don't think I can do this. I'm scared" 

Chris sighed "Look babe...I'm not forcing you to do something you don't want. If I have to raise this child on my own I will. If you aren't ready for this...well I cannot force you and will support you. I won't stop loving you because you feel a certain way"

Sebastian looked up "It's just...it's not that I don't want to. Chris I don't know the first thing about being a dad. For fuck's sake sometimes I forget the simplest of things. Shit I forget to set my alarm to wake in the mornings...how am I supposed to remember feeding a baby or anything else for that matter"

Chris chuckled "Well first off if a baby is hungry he won't let you forget. And well being a dad isn't something you are born with...it takes time"

"And what happens if I don't adjust. What happens then? Would you leave me because of it? Because I'm not father material"

Chris shook his head "No. I wouldn't love you any less. And I sure in the hell won't leave you. Like I said if you aren't ready...you aren't ready"

"I just need some time. I know I said that yesterday...but that's all I can give you for now"

Chris kissed Sebastian on the forehead "I understand. Does that still include me not getting any?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes and pushed Chris away "You are such a fucking horn-dog"

"Does it?"

Sebastian grabbed his coffee and walked to the living room "Taking it slow Chris"

*Later On That Day*  
"So how did it go after you dropped me off and went back home?" 

Chris shoved his hands in his pockets and looked over to Gwen "Alright I suppose. This morning he kinda had a little emotional lapse...but we talked about it"

"Emotional lapse?" 

Chris chuckled softly "He just scared. He doesn't think he can do it. Which is understandable. I mean it's not like we all expected this. He's just afraid...he's afraid he's not capable of being a good father. He told me that he doesn't know the first thing about being a dad...which let's be honest what guy does"

Gwen remained silent and gave Chris a nervous glance.

"Look I'll tell you what I told him. If I have to raise this child on my own...well I will. I'm not going to force you or him to do something you don't want to do. I have faith that things will work themselves out. This baby is coming in a couple of months and he ain't waiting for anyone to make up their minds"

Gwen smiled softly " I just...I just don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you. And I don't want this to put any strain on your marriage. I mean I think I've done enough damage"

Chris frowned and took Gwen's hand in his "Everything will be fine. I promise"

After their talk Chris walked to his car and sat in the driver side. Closing his eyes Chris let out a deep sigh.

He couldn't lie. He was just as scared. He was excited to be a father...he truly was. But raising this child alone did scare him. He had been trying so hard to be strong for everyone else that he completely neglected himself. Leaning his forehead on the steering wheel Chris felt the tears welling up in his eyes.

"You have to be strong. Don't lose it now Chris. You can't afford to"


	26. Well There Goes That Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry so short. Did this quickly before going out to run errands

*Months Later*  
Sebastian sighed blissfully feeling Chris's lips kiss his chest. Chris smirked hearing Sebastian's little whimpers escape him every now and then.

"Mmm Chris. You know this isn't fair?" 

Chris looked up at Sebastian with passion lidded eyes "Whoever said it had to be?"

Sebastian glared "So that's how it is?"

Without even having time to react Sebastian flipped over and was soon atop of Chris. Chris gave a look between a mixture of shock and pleasure.

Sebastian leaned in, his face inches away from Chris's. A single small strand of hair ticking Chris's cheek as he placed his hands on Sebastian's hips.

"Then if that's how it is...I guess I have to play along" 

Chris smirked and soon that smirk was followed by a gasp feeling Sebastian's lips on his neck and his fingers dancing along the waist band of his jeans. Chris sighed in delight and let his eyes slide close. It had been a few months they had gone without. Chris was finally given the okay to move back in with Sebastian. Chris smiled softly remembering how Sebastian had asked him if would like to move back in. It was over one of their dinner dates.

*Flashback*  
Sebastian locked eyes with Chris as he watched him place a fork of food in his mouth

"I feel weird with you staring at me while I'm stuffing my face" Chris said with a scrunched up nose

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be weird. I just...I just wanted to ask you something but I don't know how" Sebastian replied blushing

Chris felt his heart melt seeing Sebastian blush. He was so damn adorable.

"Just do it"

Sebastian smiled nervously "Well things have been going great these past few weeks. So...umm I was wondering or rather wanted to ask you...if you wanted to move back in with me. Only if you want to...I mean you don't___"

Sebastian was cut off with Chris catching his lips in a sweet kiss. Still leaning over the table Chris smiled.

"I thought you would never ask"  
*End Flashback*

Chris ran his fingers up Sebastian's back feeling every defined muscle he had. Fuck he was living breathing perfection. When they first met he recalled being in awe of his beauty. His voice like velvet and just...fuck he had the most difficult time because he had to think of everything disturbing just to help the hard-ons disappear. 

Sebastian leaned closer, his breath warm on Chris's ear. All of a sudden Chris began to lose his composure hearing his beautiful husband whisper all things Romanian.

"Fuck I hate when you do that shit to me" Chris groaned

Sebastian chuckled "I've never seen anyone lose it quite like you just because you hear me talk Romanian. Well scratch that...I've heard tons of women go crazy"

Chris pouted.

"But it doesn't mean as much when they do it...I like seeing you going crazy a whole lot more"

Chris growled and took Sebastian's face in his hands and kissed him roughly. Sebastian whimpered into the kiss. Fuck...fuck he loved being manhandled. He loved when Chris went from calm and collected to primal and aggressive in matter of minuets.

Chris sat up and removed his shirt tossing it to the side. Sebastian bit his lower lip...Jesus Chris was a sight for sore eyes. Pushing Chris back down Sebastian began to torture Chris by grinding himself on Chris slowly.

"You sir are a jerk"

Sebastian smirked "Guess that makes you a punk"

Sebastian was about to unbutton Chris's jean until his cell phone went off. Chris looked up at Sebastian.

"Ignore it" Sebastian whispered softly

Chris groaned "I can't. I'm sorry I have to get it"

"No you don't" 

Chris frowned and reached over with Sebastian still atop of him.

"It's Gwen" Chris whispered

Sebastian groaned and hung his head "She has terrible timing"

Chris pouted "Sorry babe"

Chris answered and spoke "Hello"

Sebastian wasn't going to let this phone call stop him. No way in hell. Chris all but choked feeling Sebastian slip his hands into his jeans and begin to stroke him gently

"Chris. Can you please pick me up" Gwen spoke frantically

Chris inhaled a sharp breath feeling Sebastian begin to stroke him faster "What's the matter? Is...everything okay?"

Sebastian smirked seeing Chris trying to keep himself composed. 

"OH SHIT" Chris said shooting up in bed

Sebastian yelped out as he fell to the floor being knocked off by Chris.

"Ouch. What the hell Chris?"

Chris helped Sebastian up quickly and picked up his shirt from the floor

"I have to go" Chris said pacing the room back and forth

Sebastian rubbed his bottom "What's the matter? What did she say?"

Chris put his shirt on quickly "Her water just broke"


	27. Boy Oh Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Update Time...while relaxing and watching Crimson Peak
> 
> Oh and shout out to a reader for the name suggestion. You Rock Yo_B_They Ready

Sebastian quickly got to his feet off the floor "What? Are you serious?"

"Yes" Chris replied rushing to the living room

"Do you...do you want me to come with you?" Sebastian asked softly

Chris turned around "If you want. Not going to force you...but look I really need to go"

"Okay well let me get some shoes on and I'll be right out" Sebastian replied quickly grabbing his shoes. 

Chris on the other hand had already rushed out the front door and to the car. Reaching into his pockets Chris cursed at his stupidity.

"Shit" Chris groaned out as he made his way back up the porch.

Not paying attention Chris bumped right into Sebastian who was holding the car keys in his hand.

"Can't go anywhere without these" Sebastian said holding out the keys with a soft smile

Taking the keys in his hand Chris quickly placed a kiss on Sebastian's lips 

"What would I do without you babe"

Sebastian shrugged "I don't know. Probably stay stuck in the driveway"

*Hours Later*  
Screaming out in pain Gwen held onto Chris's hand as she did as she was told and gave another push.

"I CAN'T. PLEASE I CAN'T" Gwen cried out as she breathed heavily 

Chris gave Gwen's hand a reassuring squeeze "Yes you can Gwen. You are a strong woman. You can do this"

Gwen shook her head no and locked her eyes with Chris "I'm scared"

"Me too. But I know you can do this. And well...I'm here to help you as best I can" Chris whispered softly 

"Okay Gwen. We need a couple more pushes and we should have a beautiful baby boy soon. So come on honey you can do it"

Chris smiled warmly and nodded. Gwen inhaled a deep breath and began to push once more as the nurses counted out for her.

"Perfect sweetheart. One more push...he's almost here" 

"Come on Gwen. One more okay...you can do it" Chris said holding her hand with one hand while the other rested on the small of her back

"One more and that's it" Gwen growled out as she pushed one last time.

 

*Meanwhile*  
Sebastian sat in the waiting area of the hospital his eyes locked on one of the paintings hanging on the wall. It was a painting of a couple with a small child. They looked so perfect...just the three of them holding the smile child in their arms. Sebastian cocked his head and his mind began to race.

He suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of nausea. Why was he such a nervous wreck? It's not like Gwen was up there having his child. But she was having his husband's child. A child that he would soon have to adjust to having become apart of their life. 

"Fuck" Sebastian groaned out as he bolted to the bathrooms close by

Running into a stall Sebastian threw up twice. Once he was sure he was done he walked out of the stall and stood before the mirror catching his reflection. Turning on the faucet Sebastian washed his face.

"Get a grip Seb"

After finally collecting himself Sebastian walked out of the bathroom to be greeted by Chris standing there.

"Chris? Is everything okay?" 

Chris smiled softly "I have a son now. He's beautiful. I came down here because I want you to meet him"

Sebastian felt his throat go dry as he swallowed the lump in his throat

"O...okay"

Sebastian then followed Chris to the elevators as Chris pushed the floor that took them to the maternity ward.

In the elevator Sebastian locked his eyes on Chris and cleared his throat softly

"What's his name?"

Chris scrunched up his nose "I feel if I tell you will laugh at me"

Sebastian cocked a brow "Come on. I wouldn't do that"

"Promise?"

Sebastian smiled softly "Promise"

Chris sighed softly "Steven James"

Sebastian didn't say a word and just turned his gaze away from Chris.

"You're joking?"

Chris pouted "It's a nice name"

"Of course it is" Sebastian replied with a smirk

Chris smiled softly 

"So when he came out...did he already have a shield in his hand?" 

Chris hung his head in embarrassment "Your an ass"

"Does he have a metal arm to?"

Soon the elevator came to a stop and Chris walked out

"You didn't answer my question. Does he?"

Chris turned around and flipped Sebastian off. Sebastian couldn't help but laugh.

Soon Sebastian was following Chris down the halls of the maternity ward and then into a room with the number 303 on it. Chris walked in and smiled. There was Gwen holding this tiny little being in her arms. He was sleeping, his tiny little hands balled into fists and his cheeks rosy. A blue beanie adorned his head as he let out the smallest of coos. It was then that for some strange reason Sebastian froze. 

He watched as Chris took this small infant in his arms and walked up to him. 

"Would you like to hold him?" Chris asked with a warm smile

Sebastian felt his palms begin to sweat "I...I can't. What if I drop him?"

"You won't babe. Don't be silly" Chris replied with a soft chuckle 

Sebastian nodded "I don't...I don't know"

"Look hold out your arms and I'll place him in there for you...okay"

Sebastian nervously did as he was told and soon had this small infant in his arms. Sebastian felt his heart jack-hammering in chest and his breathing coming in quickly.

"Please...please take him" Sebastian whimpered desperately

Chris chuckled "It's okay Seb. Just relax"

Sebastian nodded and tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Chris please...just take him" 

Chris noticed the tears in his husband's eyes and as gentle and quickly as possible took the infant back into his arms. Sebastian looked at Chris and then towards Gwen. He watched as Chris handed his child back to her. Then without saying another word Sebastian walked out of the room and leaned up against the wall beside the door. Feeling the tears falling Sebastian tried his best to calm himself.

It was then that Chris walked out and saw Sebastian crying his back pressed up against the wall. Sebastian couldn't bare to have Chris see him like this. Before Chris even opened his mouth to speak Sebastian quickly rushed away. 

"Seb...wait" Chris called out following after Sebastian

It was too late. Sebastian already made it to the elevator and the last thing Chris saw was Sebastian's tear stained eyes as the elevator door shut.


	28. Is There Room??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The Feels*

Sebastian sat in the back of the cab trying his best not to cry. The last thing he wanted was a stranger seeing him in tears. Sebastian closed his eyes and the only image he could see was the image of Chris holding onto his son while Gwen smiled at him.

"This is your stop" the driver said breaking Sebastian out of his thoughts

Sebastian smiled weakly "Thank you"

After paying the driver Sebastian made his way inside his home and dropped his tired body on the couch. 

"I figured you would get here pretty soon" 

Sebastian jerked up and turned to look towards the kitchen. There he was looking as hurt as Sebastian was.

"Chris? How the hell did you get here so fast?" 

Chris sighed "Does that even matter?"

Sebastian nodded "No. I guess not"

Chris slowly walked towards Sebastian "What happen back at the hospital Seb?"

Sebastian felt his breathing become heavy "I...I don't know. I just...got nervous"

Chris frowned "That was more than nerves getting the better of you babe"

Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat and kept his gaze locked on the floor "Seeing you in that hospital room...you know with him in your arms and Gwen looking at you like that. Well it made me feel like there really is no reason for me to be there...almost like there is no room for me anymore"

Chris gave a sad look at Sebastian "Babe. You know that's not true"

"When you put that baby in my arms I've never felt so scared and overwhelmed in my life. I didn't mean to freak out like I did but I just didn't know how to react. For that I am sorry , but that's how I felt. I mean all of a sudden there is this new little being who's going to be a part of our lives and well it's a little jarring" 

Chris smiled softly "I know that babe. And if I made you feel anyway uncomfortable I'm so sorry. I know this is going to take some time"

Sebastian sighed softly "Shouldn't you be with Gwen right now. I mean she needs you more than me"

Chris smiled and wrapped his arms around Sebastian and kissed him sweetly "She understands"

"I know...but I feel bad you being here with her alone. So you really should get back over there...dad" Sebastian said with a warm smile

Chris kissed Sebastian softly "You are such a sweetheart. I promise I won't be to long"

Sebastian smiled softly "It's okay Chris. I understand"

With that Chris made his way to the front door.

"Hey wait. You got here before me. How did you get here? I didn't see the car parked in the driveway"

Chris chuckled "I know. I parked it a couple minuets away from here. Didn't want you to know I got here first"

Sebastian cocked a brow and laughed softly "You are such a dork"

"But you love me"

Sebastian rolled his eyes "Good bye Chris"

*Few Hours Later*  
Sebastian got into bed after hanging up with Chris on the phone. Chris had called to let Sebastian know he was going to spend the night at the hospital with Gwen just in case.

"Well guess it's just me tonight" Sebastian whispered to himself as he pulled the covers over him 

Turning over in bed Sebastian looked over at where Chris would sleep and sighed. He was feeling all kinds of different emotions. He hated feeling that way. He still felt bad about how he reacted at the hospital but he just couldn't help it. It wasn't anything against this child...he couldn't possibly feel such animosity towards a small innocent infant. He didn't ask to be born. 

But when Chris placed that child in his arms he felt a mixture of fear and heartache. Fear because well soon this baby would be in their lives 24/7 and heartbreak because this child would be a constant reminder of Chris's affair. Sebastian sat up in bed and buried his face in his hands.

Would he ever be able to get past seeing this child in that way? Would he ever be able to overcome everything that had happen between him and Chris to be able to get emotionally attached to this child?

Sebastian sighed "Sometimes I hate my mind"


	29. Finally!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...found time before work

Sebastian sighed softly feeling a pair of warm hands pressing flatly on his flat stomach. Keeping his eyes closed Sebastian relished in the feeling of these hands setting his flesh on fire. Turning over in bed Sebastian slowly opened his eyes to see Chris lying beside him with a loving expression on his face. Sebastian shot up in bed.

"Chris? What are you doing here?" Sebastian asked softly

"Well I do live here" Chris replied placing a sweet kiss on Sebastian's forehead

Sebastian gave a confused expression "What about Gwen?"

"She's still at the hospital. And before you say anything to scold me she told me that it was okay for me to come home for a while. She said she would call me when it was time for her to be released from the hospital. So don't worry the hospital staff is great and she's being very well taken care of as is the baby"

Sebastian pouted "Are you...are you sure?"

Chris didn't say another word and just caught Sebastian's lips in a passionate kiss. Sebastian couldn't help but gasp into the kiss. Feeling Chris kiss him like this made him feel all kinds of amazing.

"So? You still want me to leave?" Chris whispered his tone deep and smooth

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris and pulled him atop of him. Chris moaned feeling Sebastian's hands crawl under his shirt and place them on his chest. Fuck Chris was about to go insane. They had been without for a while now and when they finally had the chance Gwen went into labor. But nothing was stopping them now...so Chris didn't want to waste any time. 

Chris pulled his shirt up and over tossing it over his shoulder. Sebastian licked his lips seeing Chris's chiseled chest and stomach, fuck he was beautiful and he was all his. Chris pinned Sebastian down and began to place kisses from his chest to his neck. Sebastian gasped feeling Chris suck on his neck like a blood thirsty vampire. Clawing at his back Sebastian moaned loudly getting Chris harder by the minuet. 

Chris then took it upon himself to sit up and pull off Sebastian's pajamas with one quick pull. Chris cocked a brow seeing Sebastian was not wearing anything underneath.

"What? I like to be comfortable" Sebastian said innocently 

Chris growled out in passion as he continued to place kisses on Sebastian's chest then finally stopping when he reached his lower region. Chris looked up with passion lidded eyes and without hesitation took Sebastian into his warm mouth.

"Holy..fuck" Sebastian moaned out loudly

Chris let his tongue dance on the tip. The taste of Sebastian's pre cum on his tongue setting his loins on fire. Chris looked up to see Sebastian with his eyes closed tightly and gripping the sheets tightly as he tried to control his breathing. Chris then took all of Sebastian in his mouth once more as he let his tongue trial from shaft to tip slowly.

"Ohh...ohh Chris...please stop. I...don't wanna come yet" Sebastian whimpered out. He couldn't even fully speak he sounded like he was rambling

Chris ignored his cries as he hollowed his cheeks and went faster. Sebastian cried and that's when Chris felt his body tense as Sebastian let go inside his mouth. Chris swallowed every drop and licked his lips. Chris looked up Sebastian who fell back onto the bed. His breathing heavy, cheeks red from passion and eyes glazed over from such an amazing experience.

Sebastian watched as Chris got off the bed and began to remove his jeans slowly. Kicking them off Sebastian laid eyes on his manhood standing proud before him. He could tell Chris was super turned on. His hard on almost looked painful.

Chris soon crawled back atop on the bed and settled himself between Sebastian's inviting legs. Kissing Sebastian hungrily he began to prep Sebastian gently. Sebastian couldn't help but moan into the kiss still tasting himself on Chris's tongue.

Without wasting another moment Chris buried his face into Sebastian's neck and pushed into him. Sebastian clutched on to Chris's bicep as Chris began to thrust inside him slowly. Fuck it had been way to long since they last had sex. But this...fuck this made that wait worth it.

Soon Chris found himself pounding into Sebastian. The sound of Sebastian's cries of passion, the headboard hitting the wall and the obscene sound of skin on skin filled the air along with the musky scent of sex. 

Sebastian wrapped his legs around Chris's waist tighter as he felt his orgasm approaching him without mercy. 

"Fuck I missed those thighs of yours around my waist. Did you miss my fucking dick in you baby" Chris whispered into Sebastian's ear

"Ohh yes...yes. Ohh god" Sebastian cried out in ecstasy

"I didn't hear you baby" Chris replied with a deep thrust 

"YES YES. I MISSED THAT DICK SO MUCH. OHH CHRIS" Sebastian yelled out as his orgasm hit him like a freight train

Chris then pulled Sebastian's sexually spent body flush against his chest and began to buck into him quickly. Sebastian laced his arms around Chris's neck and whimpered as he felt his body tingling all over and still recovering from his orgasm. Finally Sebastian felt Chris go stiff as he came deep inside him.

Both collapsed back onto the bed. Breaths coming in heavy and bodies drenched in sweat. Chris looked over to Sebastian who had a very satisfied smile on his face. His hair was a unruly sex hair mess as some strands stuck to his forehead.

"That...That was phenomenal"

Chris chuckled softly as he kissed Sebastian's cheek

"You are very welcome gorgeous"

"Doamne Nu cred că voi părăsi vreodată acest pat din nou" 

Chris looked over at Sebastian with that primal look in his eyes. Sebastian's eyes snapped open at his sudden realization. He didn't mean to let it come out in his native language but it was too late. Chris always got turned on when he spoke Romanian.

"You did that on purpose" Chris said with wicked smirk

"No Chris...please. FUCK"

Soon Chris was back atop of Sebastian. He was about to kiss Sebastian until his cell phone went off. 

Chris hung his head as Sebastian let out a sigh of relief. Grabbing his phone Gwen's number appeared on the screen.

"That's Gwen she's probably calling because it's time for her to be released" 

Sebastian sighed "Oh god I have never been so relieved to have someone call you in my entire life"

Chris began to get dressed as Sebastian covered his still naked body with the sheets. 

"Don't worry this isn't over. We have a lot of making up to do"

Kissing Sebastian sweetly Chris began to make his way out of the bedroom. Sebastian sighed as he let his spent body melt into the comfortable bed. 

"Cred că am făcut pentru" Sebastian said letting out a tired breath

"I heard that" Chris called out from the kitchen

Sebastian's eyes grew wide. He totally thought Chris was already gone.


	30. Just Breathe...You Can Do This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before Bed Update

After Chris left Sebastian got out of bed and got dressed he then made his way to the kitchen. He was still a little exhausted from their loving making but he wasn't complaining. It was nice to be with Chris again in that way. After pouring himself a cup of coffee Sebastian made his way to the living room and got comfortable on one of the couches. Flipping on the TV Sebastian sighed as he made himself comfortable until Chris came back home.

*Couple Hours Later*  
Sebastian began to make himself busy as he waited for Chris to come home. He decided to keep himself busy by rearranging some of the kitchen cabinets. Sebastian was about to start one of the other cabinets until he heard the front door unlock. 

"Finally" Sebastian whispered to himself a soft smile on his face

Sebastian rushed out of the kitchen and to the living room. It was soon that the sheer excitement turned into nervousness seeing Chris walk in with a diaper bag over his shoulder and his son in his arms. Chris looked up and smiled softly.

"We have some company tonight" Chris said with a huge smile

Sebastian gave a nervous smile "You don't say"

*Later On That Day*  
Sebastian watched from the kitchen as Chris sat in the living room cradling Steven in his arms. Chris couldn't help but smile watching his son sleep. Sebastian dried off the last dishes that was used for dinner and made his way to the living room and sat on the couch across from Chris.

"So. How's Gwen?" Sebastian asked softly

Chris kept his eyes locked on the small child in his arms and spoke

"She's doing okay. She said her neighbor will be staying with her just in case. And her neighbor is a registered nurse...go figure huh"

Sebastian sighed softly "Yeah...small world"

Chris looked up and caught sight of Sebastian. He looked like something was bothering him...he almost looked somewhat conflicted.

"Babe? Are you alright?" Chris asked concerned 

Sebastian looked up at Chris and smiled weakly "I'm fine. Look umm I'm going take a shower okay"

Chris nodded "Alright. Well I'm going to put SJ to bed and then I might just get some sleep myself. It's been a really long day"

"Alright well I'll just shower really quick and then I'll join you in bed"

After showering Sebastian walked out of the master bathroom to find Chris fast asleep in bed. He looked so peaceful with the covers drawn up over him and his hand cradling one the decor pillows. Sebastian chuckled softly as he slipped into bed with Chris cuddling up to his sleeping frame. Chris didn't even move a muscle as Sebastian wrapped his arms around his larger frame.

Sebastian was just about to shut his eyes until he heard the cries coming from the room across the hall. Shooting up in bed Sebastian had almost forgot there was a child in the house. Across the hall was the nursery that Chris had spent a month and a half getting ready for his son. Sebastian recalled Chris pacing back and forth trying to figure out what should go where and what pictures he should hang on the walls first.

Sebastian tapped Chris on the shoulder "Chris. Chris wake up"

Chris groaned but didn't wake up. He just kept on sleeping. Sebastian tried once again to wake Chris but nothing worked. He couldn't just leave that poor child crying. So biting his lower lip Sebastian got out of bed and walked out of the bedroom and across the hall. Opening the door quietly Sebastian was greeted by SJ's cries.

"Oh god...umm. What do I do?" Sebastian said to himself as he walked to SJ's crib and looked down at him

SJ cried loudly. Sebastian felt his heart racing and nerves going crazy as he slowly reached out and picked up SJ carefully.

Then to Sebastian's surprise SJ's crying ceased.

"Was that it? You just wanted someone to hold you?" Sebastian asked holding SJ as he let his hand rest on the small infant's back gently

SJ cooed softly as his tiny frame cuddled up to Sebastian. Sebastian tensed a little at the feeling but tried his best to calm himself. Walking to the rocking chair in the middle of the room Sebastian sat down slowly with SJ still in his arms. 

"You know. I want to apologize in advance if I act a little weird around you. It's totally nothing towards you...it's just this all new to me. I don't know the first thing about babies and such...but I hope soon I can get a better understanding. So please...bare with me"

It was then Sebastian heard the tiny breaths leaving SJ. Sebastian gave a nervous chuckle as he placed SJ back in his crib. The once crying infant now fast asleep.

"You totally are Chris's son" Sebastian whispered seeing SJ snoozing away in his crib. His tiny mouth parted slightly.

Sebastian quietly opened the door and walked out shutting the door slowly behind him. Letting out a deep breath as he pressed his back up against the wall Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair

"You can do this. You can totally do this"


	31. People Will Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found Time For An Update After A Long Busy Day  
> Also I want to say I'm super excited that my story is going to be translated into another language because a reader loved it so much she wanted to translate it for readers of the Chinese language . Stoked about that :)

Chris's awoke to the sunlight peeking through the blinds in the bedroom and sat up in bed. Stretching Chris looked to his right and saw Sebastian fast asleep, his mouth parted slightly. Chris couldn't help but smile seeing how peaceful and beautiful his husband looked. Moving a strand of hair out of his face Chris placed a sweet kiss on his forehead. Slowly getting out of bed so he wouldn't wake Sebastian Chris walked out of the bedroom and walked across the hall to SJ's room.

Chris slowly opened the door and walked in and towards SJ's crib. Looking in Chris smiled seeing his son was already awake, his bright blue eyes looking back up at him as he cooed. Chris reached in and took his son in his arms. 

"Oh boy someone needs a diaper change huh" Chris said his nose scrunched up

Once Chris changed and fed SJ's he went into the kitchen and began to prepare a fresh pot of coffee for himself and his sleeping husband. Once the coffee was done Chris walked back into the bedroom and caressed Sebastian's face.

"Mmm Chris? What time is it?" Sebastian groaned out still half asleep with his eyes still closed

"8:00 in the morning" 

Sebastian whined "Ugh why did you wake me up? I'm supposed to sleep till noon ya know"

Chris chuckled "Please. Not even on your days off do you sleep till noon"

Sebastian opened one eye "Well today could have been that day"

"I made coffee" 

Sebastian sighed in relief "Oh I love you"

Sitting up Sebastian stretched and smiled when Chris surprised him with a quick kiss on the lips. 

"What time did you go to bed last night" Chris asked softly holding SJ close to him

Sebastian tucked a strand of hair behind his ear "Well as soon as I got out of the shower last night. Only well someone decided that I didn't need any"

Chris gave a confused look as he watched Sebastian get out of bed "Who"

Sebastian cocked a brow "Really?"

"SJ. Why didn't you wake me up?"

Sebastian pulled a black tank top over him and sighed "I tried. You were like dead to the world. So...I couldn't leave him crying so I went into his room and took care of it. I picked him up and just sat with him for a while until he fell asleep. Kind of a bit over dramatic just because he wanted to be held. Then again you are his father...you whine when I don't give you hugs"

Chris glared "So I like hugs. That a crime"

Sebastian chuckled "Whatever you say"

"Jerk" Chris mumbled under his breath as he followed Sebastian into the kitchen

Sebastian poured his coffee and sat at the table. Chris sat in front of Sebastian and smiled softly

"Thank you. I know that it might have been a little hard for you to do...but thank you for doing that for him. And for me. 

Sebastian shrugged "Look it's not going to be easy to adjust to...but we got time"

*Later On That Day*  
Sebastian couldn't help but feel a little nervous. Sure he had done plenty of late night shows, but back then things were a little easier. There wasn't so much going on in his life as there is now. Adjusting his tie Sebastian caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and took a deep breath.

"You've done this before. You got this"

After waiting a few more minuets a young lady walked in and told Sebastian he was on in five. Flashing her a smile Sebastian thanked her and tried his best to calm his nerves. Making his way to the door he was stopped by his cell phone going off. Taking the phone out of his pocket Sebastian smiled seeing Chris's picture on the screen. Sliding his finger across the screen Sebastian chuckled

"You have terrible timing" 

Chris smiled "Sorry babe. Just want to wish you luck and well me and SJ will be watching"

Sebastian chuckled lightly "Alright. Well look I have to go. I'll call you back as soon as I'm done"

"Love you"

"I love you too"

With that Sebastian hung up and made his way backstage waiting to be called on.

Finally after what felt like an eternity Sebastian was finally called on by the host. He couldn't help but feel his heart racing seeing the blinding lights in his face as she welcomed him with a hug.

"Sebastian. My goodness. So happy to have you here" 

"Thanks for having me" Sebastian replied with a huge smile

Fans still going crazy seeing Sebastian on stage. The host by the name of Melissa in awe of how just the sight of Sebastian drove people crazy.

"Let's calm down ladies and gents. We want to hear him talk for at least five minuets" 

Sebastian laughed as Melissa tried to settle the crowd with a playful shush

"Okay well before we start I want to congratulate you"

Sebastian gave a confused expression "Congratulate me?"

"Yeah we've heard here on the set and I'm pretty sure all over the place that you and Chris welcomed a little boy into your lives"

Sebastian shifted in his seat and swallowed nervously "Oh well yes. Recently Chris became a father. I'd rather just leave it at that and not go into details"

"Oh we know the details. So guess that one night at the bar backfired huh"

Sebastian chuckled nervously "Be nice Melissa"

Melissa chuckled. 

Chris watched at home with SJ in his arms he could feel his skin crawling by the way this woman was talking to Sebastian. Sebastian didn't deserve to be put on the spot because of what Chris had done.

"So I must ask because if I don't I'll probably regret it and because well someone begged me too as well. Let's be honest here people"

Sebastian clenched his jaw and tried his best to keep composure

"What's it like knowing that Chris did this to you? I mean how do you cope knowing that you will always have a constant reminder of Chris's big oops? I mean how could you be okay with it and I mean hell even take Chris back after all of it"

Chris's eyes narrowed at the TV screen in anger and heartbreak. All Sebastian could do was just sit there frozen.


	32. Trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Work Update

"I can't believe they put you on the spot like that" Chris replied angrily on the other end of the phone

Sebastian sighed weakly "It's alright Chris. It's not the first time I've been grilled like that before"

Chris scoffed "I don't give a rat's ass. It's not right for them to do that to you. I should go down there and give them one hell of a rant for that shit"

"It wouldn't solve anything Chris. Look I'll be home in a little while. I'll see you in a bit" Sebastian replied softly

"Alright. Are you sure you don't want me to go over there and kick some ass?" 

Sebastian chuckled weakly "No Chris. Look I got to go. Bye"

Chris sighed in frustration after hanging up with Sebastian. He still couldn't believe what just happen. He was beyond livid. The look on Sebastian's face as Melissa grilled him...ugh and the audacity she had to laugh at him while he stumbled to form the answers. Although Chris had to give Sebastian a huge amount of credit to get through it without losing his composure. He stayed calm and polite...even though he was being treated and talked to like a fool.

*Hour Later*  
Sebastian walked in and removed his tie. Tossing it on the couch he slipped off his sports coat and plopped his tired body on the couch. Shutting his eyes Sebastian let out a deep sigh.

"Hey" Chris whispered softly walking into the living room after just putting SJ to bed

Sebastian slowly opened his eyes and smiled softly "Hey. Where's the tiny human alarm clock?"

Chris chuckled softly "I just put him to bed. Hey are you alright?" 

Sebastian gave a weak smile "I've been better"

Chris sighed and walked over to the couch. Taking a seat next to his husband Chris laced their hands together.

"She doesn't know what the hell she was talking about. All those people do is talk out of their asses"

Sebastian remained silent and locked his eyes on Chris.

"She's doesn't know what we've been through or the actual truth"

Sebastian pouted "Well if she didn't know the truth I'm pretty sure it was hard for to find"

"Baby she's full of it" 

Sebastian gave Chris the most devastated look "No she's not. Because she's right Chris. I feel awful because I've been trying so hard to open myself emotionally to that child. I just...something always holds me back. It's nothing against him...I could never hold such animosity towards him. It's not right. I just...I look at him and he's beautiful. But then I look at him and I see you and her...all over again. I know that's wrong...but it's like that part of my brain puts up a wall and the wall is made out of the image of you and her"

Chris frowned "It's going to be okay Seb. Look it will take time to adjust to this. I know if you spend more time with SJ you'll learn to love him. I know how big of a heart you have...just give it time"

"And what if I don't Chris. What then?"

"You will. I know you will. I mean you held him till his fell asleep. That has to count for some kind of progress"

Sebastian gave a light chuckle "It was either that or let him cry himself to sleep. I couldn't to that...but it took a lot of me to reach in there and pick him up. I hesitated Chris...I shouldn't do that. But I did"

Chris frowned "It's okay. It happens"

Sebastian groaned and got up from his seat on the couch 

"I'm tired. I think I'm going to bed. I'll see you over there in a bit"

Chris nodded "Yeah. I'll be there in a bit"

Chris watched as Sebastian walked to the bedroom, shoulders drooped like a child who just got scolded. Chris knew Sebastian was trying his best to adjust to this. And Chris was proud of him...but at what expense.

*Next Day*  
"I still feel awful that he had to go through that" Gwen said softly as she rested on the couch across from Chris

Chris gave a sad sigh "Me too. Are you sure you don't want me to get him so you can rest?"

"No it's okay I got him" Gwen replied with a smile as she rested SJ on her chest

"So how is he doing?" 

Chris sighed deeply "Well he woke up this morning before I did. Which is a surprise because I always have to lure him out of bed"

Gwen chuckled softly 

"When I woke up I found him sitting in the kitchen his hands on his coffee mug and his eyes puffy. He had been crying before I woke up. I told him good morning but I got no response back. Almost like he checked out. The only time he looked at me was when he heard SJ make a small sound. The look he gave me was almost distant...sort of lost"

Gwen frowned "I hope he'll be okay. If you want...I can take care of SJ for a while so you two can talk"

"I tried talking to him and it's like talking to no-one. I feel bad...I know what we did. Well it was wrong...but we can't go back. I just wish that people wouldn't point the finger at him. I wish they wouldn't put him on the spot"

Chris shut his eyes "I know he's trying really hard to forget this ever happened. I know he truly wants to build a relationship with SJ. But something won't let him and what happen to him last night doesn't help"

"Maybe you should go away for a while. You, SJ and Sebastian. Get out of this place and just enjoy each other"

Chris smiled softly "Yeah and things will be here when we get back" 

"Do...do you want me to talk to him?"

Chris cocked a brow at Gwen "What would you tell him?"

"I don't know...but I'm sure I can figure something out. Look Chris I know what happen between me and you...well that's over and done with. But I know how much you love Sebastian and well...I'd like to think of us as friends"

Chris smiled softly "Well I'll see what I can do"

*Later on that day*  
"Are you hungry?" Chris asked softly

Sebastian gave a gentle smile and nodded. The first smile Chris had seen since that night.

"Good I made some chicken stir fry. Um look we are having company for dinner tonight if that's okay with you"

Sebastian gave a confused look and spoke. His voice almost a soft whisper.

"Who?"

It was then that the doorbell rang and Chris smiled softly "Right on time"

Sebastian watched as Chris disappeared into the living room and answered the door. Sebastian waited in the kitchen for Chris and whoever this person was joining them for dinner.

Finally Chris appeared with Gwen by his side.

"Gwen?" 

Gwen smiled nervously "Hi Sebastian"


	33. From The Heart Of Another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just got the link to see my story translated into Chinese...stoked about it all of it.  
> People are enjoying themselves so far. Giddy like a kid in a candy store. Or in my case giddy like a lady in a room full of pugs :))
> 
> P.S. Sorry if this update is a bit short did before going to take my son for a appointment :)

Sebastian looked over to Chris with puzzled expression

"What's going on?"

Chris sighed and walked over to Sebastian kneeling before him.

"Look I thought maybe if you talked to Gwen about everything that you've been telling me it would help. Sometimes the least person you expect could have the best advice. Because sometimes Seb I don't know what else to tell you to make things better"

Sebastian looked over at Gwen "So you think her talking to me...is going to make me feel a certain way. The woman you cheated on me with. Correct?"

Chris gave a dejected sigh "Seb please"

Sebastian looked over at Gwen once more. Half his face being covered by Chris's muscular shoulder.

"Hmm. Well Gwen. What do you want me to tell you?"

Gwen cleared her throat "Look I just thought I could help. You see Chris tells me that you are having a little trouble adjusting to having SJ around the house now. I figured we could talk about it and see what I can do to help"

Sebastian smirked "You told her all the things I've told you in private. You told her?"

"I was worried about you. Since she's involved I feel like she would be the one to understand"

Clenching his jaw Sebastian spoke "If's funny that you want to help now...when a few weeks ago you didn't want to. You know the whole mother thing"

"I know I said that. Look I know we still don't see eye to eye about the whole thing or what's happen to get us here. But I do know that SJ is better off here and well I'm willing to put the past behind us to help you and Chris out with any trouble"

Sebastian groaned, getting up from his seat on the couch he began to walk away "Oh god I really don't want to do this right now"

"Then when Seb? I know you have been trying but I feel like you are holding back. And...and I know it's because of me"

Sebastian turned around and glared "You think this is easy? You think me taking you back and forgiving you has been easy? You know what it's like to look into your eyes and feel love and hate all at once. Seeing you hold him in your arms when I can even gather the will to because I feel nothing but heartbreak when I do. And her...you telling her all of our personal problems like you guys are like the best of friends now. I'M TRYING MY BEST BUT YOU ARE DRAINING ME"

Gwen jumped a little hearing Sebastian's tone. Looking over at Chris, Gwen saw the hurt in his eyes.

"I don't need anyone to tell me how to feel. I just need time. Just like the time you gave me when we got back together. Don't try to force it down my throat with how I should and shouldn't feel. That's all I'm asking Chris...just please understand. Because if you keep doing this...things will just go right back to how they were before. And we worked too damn hard for that to happen"

Chris sighed and walked up to Sebastian. Caressing his face Chris pulled Sebastian into a loving embrace.

"I'm so so sorry. I just...I just thought if you spent more time with SJ and..."

Sebastian smiled softly "Have you ever thought sometimes you overthink about things? Have you ever thought for once you just need to chill?"

Chris smiled softly " Okay I get it"

"Look Chris. Like I said...it will take time. I will try my best to spend some time with SJ but it has to be when I'm ready. Not when you feel like I should be ready"

Chris nodded and kissed Sebastian sweetly

Sebastian hugged Chris and looked over his shoulder at Gwen. She was about to walk out until Sebastian stopped her.

"Gwen wait. Look I'm sorry about you know...blowing up. And well what I said before. I do want to put the past between us...I know a lot of people would think it insane that someone would want to build friendship with the woman their husband cheated on them with. But...fuck em. I think everyone deserves a second chance. And well if Chris got one...well why shouldn't you"

Gwen gave a nervous smile "Are...are you sure?"

Sebastian cocked a brow "God I hope so"

Sebastian and Gwen laughed softly. Chris watched with a soft smile. That's how amazing of a person Sebastian was...he was willing to overlook all the bad to find the good.

"Join us for dinner" Sebastian asked softly 

Gwen smiled softly "I'd like that"


	34. Please Don't Hold It Against Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idea for this chapter: My sister lol  
> Still using a real life situation that happened in my family for this story  
> But my sister thought it would be a good idea for this chapter :)

"I think tonight went rather well. Don't you think Seb?" 

Sebastian glanced at Chris and smiled softly "I...I guess so"

Chris looked over at Sebastian confused "You hesitated. Why?"

"No I didn't. I was just thinking and it made me stall for a sec"

Chris cocked a brow "Are you sure?"

Sebastian didn't say a word and just smiled with a nod.

"Okay. Well I'm going to go shower. Care to join me beautiful?" Chris replied wrapping his arms around Sebastian's waist from behind

Sebastian chuckled lightly "As tempting the offer is I have to decline. These dishes aren't going to wash themselves. And before you tell me you can do it...I got it. You made dinner after all. Least I can do is clean up"

Chris smiled softly "Have I told you how amazing you are?"

"Almost every day"

Chris kissed Sebastian on the cheek and made his way to the bedroom. Sebastian began to wash the dishes and over the process of cleaning Sebastian began to have a million thoughts racing in his mind. It was then at that moment...with his hands in warm water did it hit him. He was lying to himself...and he just couldn't do it anymore.

Sebastian sighed "I'm an idiot"

After Sebastian finished up he met up with Chris who was getting dressed in the bedroom. Chris watched as Sebastian got into bed and let his tired body mold into the mattress. Chris opted to not wear the shirt he originally planned to and crawled into bed and atop of Sebastian.

"Craving a little dessert"

Sebastian sighed softly "Oh Chris I'm sorry but I'm just a bit exhausted"

Chris frowned "Okay....are you sure?"

Sebastian smiled weakly and without saying another word turned over giving his back to Chris

Chris found that odd but decided not to press the subject further and let Sebastian get some sleep.

*Next Day*  
Gwen walked into her kitchen and was about to make her usual morning pot of coffee. That was until she heard a knock at her door. Setting the coffee pot back she walked to her front door and opened it. She couldn't lie she felt her nerves got a little haywire seeing who was on the other side of that door.

"Sebastian? Umm what brings you here?"

Sebastian sighed softly "Listen Gwen...can we talk?"

Gwen gulped softly and nodded "Of course"

Stepping aside Gwen allowed Sebastian to walk inside. After shutting the door behind him Gwen smiled nervously

"Umm I was just about to make coffee. Would you like some?"

Sebastian nodded "Umm no...but don't let me stop you"

"Al...alright" Gwen replied walking to her kitchen

Sebastian looked around and couldn't help but take in Gwen's apartment. He was pretty sure the majority of what she had in there was because of Chris trying to help her. Finally his eyes landed on a picture of Chris and Gwen smiling. Sebastian couldn't help but scrunch his nose up at the sight of it.

"So umm what did you want to talk about?"

Sebastian kept his eyes locked on the framed picture "When did you two take that?"

Gwen followed the direction of Sebastian's extended finger and saw the picture of her and Chris.

"Oh that...that was taken a few weeks before I had SJ"

"Hmm it's...nice"

Gwen noticed the deflated tone in Sebastian's voice and cleared her throat.

"So yeah...what's on your mind?"

"Us" Sebastian replied softly

Gwen gave a confused expression "Us?"

Sebastian sighed softly "Look Gwen. I know I said last night that we could try to make a friendship between us work...but. But I...I don't think I can. I would be lying to myself if I forced this to work. And to be honest...my marriage is in trouble because I'm losing Chris...to you"

"Me?" Gwen replied softly

"I know that you are the mother of his child. And I know that you two are just friends...but I'm sorry he's a married man. When he gets home all he talks about is you. Sometimes I don't even have to ask. And I don't think my marriage will survive...as long as you are here"

Gwen sighed softly "You know what...I can't even argue with that. You are right. I know Chris loves you so much. And with me in the picture...you both will never get over what happen in the past"

"I'm so sorry. Please don't think I'm just being an awful person and trying to get rid of you or anything of that nature. It's just I want you to understand where I'm coming from. It took everything in me to forgive Chris and take him back. But every time he mentions your name...I feel that same pain I felt when I found out he cheated on me"

Gwen didn't say a word and just nodded understandingly 

"And as far as SJ...well it's like I said, I hold nothing against him. I could never...but right now getting attached will take some time. I just think it's the fact of having a child brought into mine and Chris's lives that fast that scares me. Well I guess I'm just afraid that I can't be a good dad. It doesn't come natural to me like it does to Chris"

Gwen shook hear head "In time...I know you will be a great dad"

"Gwen I understand that you will play a part in Chris's life...but just remember I'm here too"

Gwen sighed "I know...and I'm sorry"

Sebastian sighed "I know you are a good person Gwen. But I can't afford to lose Chris again"

Gwen smiled and nodded "I understand. I hope things work out for you both. And I'm glad you finally spoke your true feelings"

Sebastian smiled softly and extended a hand to Gwen "Thank you for understanding. And I'm sorry"

Gwen took Sebastian's hand "You have nothing to apologize for. Chris is a lucky guy"

*Later on that day*  
After his talk with Gwen Sebastian couldn't help but feel a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders. And the fact that she understood where he was coming from helped him...a lot. He was afraid he was going to have to fight this woman for his husband. But instead she agreed with him and they came to an agreement.

"Seb? Are you in here" Chris asked from inside the master bathroom

Sebastian cleared his throat "Yes I am"

It was then that Chris walked out looking a little bit troubled.

"Chris? Is something wrong?"

"I just got off the phone with Gwen. She told me she's moving back to Washington"

Sebastian remain silent and locked eyes with Chris "Moving?"

"She told me you went to go talk to her. Did you tell her to move back Seb?"

Sebastian's mouth dropped open. Was Chris really interrogating him right now?

"I did talk her. I didn't tell her she had to leave"

Chris sighed "Well she's leaving as soon as she can. She already called her cousin so she can stay with her"

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris "Does it bother you that she's leaving Chris? Does it bother you that I talked to her and told her that our marriage will never be fixed as long as you two tried to play besties"

"Seb...she's the mother of my child. She's going to be a part of my life and SJ's life"

Sebastian chuckled "I understand she is the mother of your child. But I am your husband. And as far as SJ...yes she will be in his life. But that doesn't mean she has stay and that doesn't mean you have to have around our lives 24/7"

Chris remained silent

Sebastian sighed and walked to the bedroom door. Before walking out Sebastian spoke his back still facing Chris.

"I married you...and only you. If you want this marriage to work...which I've seen that you do. Well then you'll let her go...and if you can't. Well then let me go"

And with that Sebastian walked out the bedroom and shut the door behind him. 

Chris sighed and automatically felt like the biggest idiot in the world

"Well fuck"


	35. All Of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally love the comments I am getting for this story  
> I love em. Thanks again to all the readers :))

Sebastian jumped by the sound of the bedroom door slamming. Turning around Sebastian saw Chris standing there with a stern look on his face.

"What do you want from me Seb? I mean what else can I do to make you happy? Do you want me to grovel to you every fucking day of my life to show you that I truly am sorry? I mean for fuck's sake Seb I've done everything humanly possible to bend over backwards for you so you can be happy. I mean I can't even be happy with being around my son without having to feel like I'm going to get the third degree from you"

"Chris....I" Sebastian was cut off

"I'm sorry...but I'm a human being. I'm hurting too. I just don't understand how you can forget that. I love you with all my heart...but don't take advantage of that. I've held my tongue for a long time because I thought you had every right because I screwed up. But...it's like instead helping me up from the ground you just keep knocking me back down. I can never forget what happen...because you won't let me"

It was then Sebastian broke into tears at the sudden realization of how selfish he had been acting. It was true, all of it. Chris tried everything he could since Sebastian found out he cheated on his to make it right. And all Sebastian could do was make him feel like he was never good enough. Chris never gave up though no matter how bad Sebastian was treating him over these past few months. And the fact that Chris was even afraid to hold or be around his own son when Sebastian was around for fear of getting scolded was the most painful thing Chris could have ever confessed.

"I'm such an asshole...aren't I?" Sebastian whispered in tears

Chris sighed softly "No. You aren't. I would say lately you are a bit of a...a bonehead"

"Don't be nice Chris. You can tell me the truth...I'm an asshole"

Chris shook his head "I won't say that. Bonehead is better"

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris. Both of them in tears. 

"I never realized how I was acting. I guess I did feel like I was entitled to act like that because I was hurt and because I never thought you would do that. But even though we were working things out I was still acting like that. And you didn't deserve it...any of it. Could you ever forgive me?"

Chris lifted his hand and caressed Sebastian's face "I'd be an idiot not to. But I just want you to realize I love you but I'm only human. I've done everything I can to make you happy...and I really am at loss at what else I can do"

"You don't have to do anything else. But thank you for telling me how you truly felt. Thank you for waking me up and telling me I was being a bitch"

Chris chuckled softly "Bonehead"

"Alright. Bonehead"

Chris and Sebastian were about to share a kiss until someone decided it was time to wake up.

"Guess that's me" Chris said leaning his forehead against Sebastian's

"Umm no. I can do it" Sebastian whispered softly

Chris was taken back by that statement and gave Sebastian a shocked look

"What? Look I'd better start helping out with him too. I mean it's only fair. If I'm going to be a parent...well might as well start now huh?"

Chris smiled softly "I love you"

Sebastian smiled softly "I love you too. And I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to feel like you can't be around your own son because of me"

Chris nodded "Thank you. Now get going"

"Yes sir" Sebastian replied with a wink as he made his way to SJ's room

Chris let out a sigh of relief. A huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

"Finally"

*The Next Day*  
Gwen walked to her front door. Taking a deep breath Gwen opened the door.

"Chris? What are you doing here?" 

Chris sighed "Can we talk?"

"Sure come on it" 

Chris walked in and noticed Gwen had some of her belongings already packed.

"Gwen you don't have to leave. I talked to Sebastian last night and..." Chris was cut off by Gwen holding her hand up

"Yes I do Chris. Look I'm glad Sebastian came over here to talk to me. Because it made me realize I was still holding on to you...and I can't do that. You are married Chris and Sebastian adores the hell out of you. There is no room for me in there and I can accept that. If I don't leave you two will never be able to move on or properly bond with SJ. So this is my choice. He didn't force me. He just woke me up"

Chris didn't say a work and sighed "What about our son?"

Gwen smiled softly "You know I'll still be there for him. But he's got you and Sebastian. Two amazing people in his life to raise him to be a wonderful human being. But if you need me to help you with him in anyway. Well don't hesitate to give me a ring"

Chris smiled softly

"And besides I miss Washington. Got homesick even before I left the airport back home"

Chris chuckled lightly "I am going to miss you Gwen. But thank you for being so understanding about everything"

"Well if I didn't I'd go insane" 

Chris smiled as he walked up to Gwen and slowly pulled her in for a hug "Thank you. For everything"

*Later on the day*  
After leaving Gwen's Chris made his way home and parked in the driveway. Making his way inside Chris walked in and was greeted with the sight of Sebastian asleep with SJ sleeping as well atop of his chest.

Chris felt his heart swell 

"Pair of bums"


	36. Well They Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers= Awesomeness   
> After Work Update :)  
> And once again...sister helped out lol

"Babe? Wake up" Chris whispered softly

Sebastian let his eyes open slowly "Chris? I didn't hear you come in"

"Well you were knocked out on the couch. Come on let me help you put SJ to be" Chris replied helping Sebastian up slowly

After putting SJ to be Chris and Sebastian sat in the silence of their bedroom until Sebastian spoke.

"So what happen?" 

Chris sighed softly "She's still leaving. I told her that we decided that she could stay but..."

"Wait a minuet. I never decided anything. Why would you say that?"

Chris looked over to Sebastian "Well I figured after our talk the other night that you..."

Sebastian sighed softly "You know what. It doesn't matter. I'm tired and I'm going to bed"

Chris watched as Sebastian turned over and gave his back to Chris as he pulled the covers over him. Sighing Chris laid back in bed and tried his best to get some sleep.

*The next day*  
Sebastian and Chris sat at the table eating their breakfast. Chris with one free hand and the other holding his son. They still hadn't addressed the elephant in the room. Their disagreement last night had still gone undisclosed and to be quite frank neither one of them bothered. Whether it was it being to damn earlier of just lack of energy to argue with each other anymore.

The kitchen was silent until the doorbell went off. Sebastian looked up at Chris.

"You expecting company?"

Chris nodded "Not that I know of"

Sebastian gave a puzzled expression and made his way to the front door. Opening Sebastian felt his heart stop"

"Mom. Oh my god...what you are doing here?" Sebastian asked in shock

"Well it's nice to see you to"

"Oh god. Come in" Sebastian said with a huge smile pulling his mother in for a warm hug

Walking in she placed her purse on the couch and quickly spotted Chris in the kitchen.

"Chris"

Chris couldn't help but feel his nerves going a tad crazy. She knew about the incident that happen between him and Sebastian. But she said Sebastian was an adult and she couldn't tell him what do to. Well that was only after she pretty much lectured Sebastian on why he should leave Chris.

"So what brings you here?" Sebastian asked softly

"Well you silly of course. Do I really need a reason to visit my own son?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes playfully "Mom you know what I mean. And you know you are welcome anytime"

Smiling she caressed her son's face and smile "Always so sweet"

Chris decided to give Sebastian and his mother more private time. Standing from his seat at the table Chris cleared his throat.

"I forgot I have some errands to run. I'm going to take SJ with me and I'll be back in a few. I might stop at the grocery store...do you need anything?"

Sebastian smiled softly "Umm no I think I'm good. But if I think of anything I will call you"

Grabbing the keys off the counter Chris kissed Sebastian quickly and smiled softly at his mother. Cocking a brow she gave a slight smirk. 

"Be back in a few" Chris replied as he walked out the front door and closed it behind him. 

Locking eyes with his mother his smile quickly faded and he all of a sudden became nervous

"I can't believe you took him back"

Sebastian let out a deep breath "Mom we talked about this. It was my choice"

"I find that very hard to believe"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Guilt will make people do silly things"

"If you are saying he guilt tripped me into getting back with him...you're wrong"

"Then enlighten me on the truth"

"I love him. Look I know right now Chris isn't you're favorite person in the world. But he's really trying. We're trying"

Sebastian's mother scoffed "I can't wait for you to wake up"

"Did you just come here to give me the third degree?"

"Not at all"

Sebastian nodded "Could have fooled me"

"Is he still talking to that woman?"

"No. She's leaving back to Washington. I talked to her. And well I didn't tell her to leave. I just told her that if she didn't let her friendship with Chris end, well then our marriage would never survive. She agreed and she herself decided to move back. I was shocked when Chris told me her decision but I won't lie. I was a bit relieved...that was until Chris made me feel bad about it"

Cocking a brow she spoke "He what?"

"Well he kind of broke down and told me how I've been treating him rather badly even after everything he's been doing to fix us. And he's right...I've been a bit selfish. So I apologized"

"You've lost your backbone"

Sebastian gave a confused look "What?"

"Don't you see what he's doing to you. He's making you feel pity for him. When you love Sebastian...you love with your whole heart. And I guess that's why it makes it so easy for him to sway you. You are not being selfish. He made a mistake and as for that child. I know you trying your best...but he cannot force you. You told me yourself that you weren't ready to father. Because you felt now was not the time and here his is forcing you. As far as that girl. Well that should have never happened in the first place. I know you love him. I know and understand...but if he loves you like you love him. You wouldn't have to apologize for a thing"

Sebastian didn't say a word and remained silent 

"No scratch that"

Sebastian locked eyes with his mother 

"If he loves you like you love him. Well you wouldn't have to be going through any of this in the first place. If you want to work this out...well of course I'll support you. I just want you to think"

Sebastian watched as his mother began to walk to the front door

"Where are you going?"

"I think it's time for me to go"

"But you just got here"

"I know but...I'm tired. I will try to come by tomorrow"

Sebastian nodded and met his mother at the door.Taking her hands in his Sebastian smiled softly

"I can do this mom. Just...just believe in me. That's all I'm asking"

"I never stopped believing in you"


	37. You'll Understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't sleep and voila lol

*Later on Same Day*  
After Sebastian's mother left Sebastian had some time to think about what they talked about. Chris still hadn't come home yet but he called saying he was going to be a bit late due to traffic.

Sighing deeply Sebastian couldn't shake his mother's words out of his head. He understood that she wasn't trying to scold him she was just concerned about her son. But she was right. Chris was trying to gain pity. And every single time Sebastian caved and gave it to him. While he did own up to his mistake...he would always make Sebastian feel guilty for bringing it up. And while yes he was trying so hard to build a relationship with SJ, Chris knew that Sebastian wasn't ready yet. He would always make him feel bad because he wouldn't hold him or try to play with him a few weeks after he was born.

It wasn't because he didn't want to he was just scared. He didn't know the first thing about being a parent.

Sebastian was soon broken out of his thoughts by Chris walking in with a few bags of groceries in one hand and SJ sleeping in his car seat in the other.

"Chris you could have called to let me know you were outside. I could have helped you"

"Nah. I got it. Hey where's your mom?"

Sebastian smiled weakly "She left"

"Hmm well that was a pretty quick visit" Chris replied placing some bags on the kitchen floor

"Yeah. It was"

"I'll be right back. Gonna put this little guy to bed"

Sebastian began to sort through the groceries as Chris walked to SJ's room to put him to bed. Upon his return to the kitchen the couple remained silent while they began to put away groceries.

Inhaling and exhaling a deep breath Sebastian finally spoke

"Are you mad at me? Are you mad because I made her decide to leave?"

Chris clenched his jaw "No"

"Why did you tell her I agreed to let her stay?"

Chris sighed softly "Because I thought when I told you how I felt that night you had changed your mind"

Sebastian nodded "No. You want the honest truth?"

Chris looked over to Sebastian who set down the box of coffee filters in his hand and nodded.

"I'm relieved she's leaving. I felt like I was losing you to her. And the fact that you were still friends with her after everything we went through. Well it drove me insane. So that's why I went over there to tell her that me and her could never be friends"

"You never gave her a chance"

Sebastian scoffed "I didn't have to"

"Guess you and your mother had quite the heart to heart" Chris mumbled

Sebastian cocked a brow "This has nothing to do with my mother. This is all me. You see Chris I took you back. Because I love you. I put up with you talking about that woman non stop since you found out she was pregnant. I didn't have to but I did. I even let you invite her into our home and have dinner with us. I've been trying my best to get attached to your son because I love you and I don't want that child to feel in any way shape or form this is his fault. I've been doing that even though you knew I wasn't ready to be a dad"

"No one forced you too"

Sebastian chuckled lightly "No. No one did...just you"

Chris locked eyes with Sebastian 

"I love you but I won't pity you anymore. You cannot keep guilt tripping me if you want this to work. And as far as me not letting you forget what happen between you and Gwen. Well while I've forgiven you...things like that you just don't forget over night. But I refuse for you to make feel bad because I want to talk about it. I refuse for you to make me feel bad for telling Gwen to leave you alone. And I refuse right here and now to never pity you ever again"

Chris sighed softly "I understand and I'm sorry"

"I'm not" Sebastian replied softly

"I'm aware Gwen will have to stay in contact with you because of SJ. But I'll allow it for that reason and that reason only. If you like it that's great. If you don't...well that's your problem"

Chris nodded "That's fine"

"If we want this marriage to survive. Well we both have to work on ourselves and I believe we can do it together. But just us together. And of course SJ. Even though I told you wasn't ready for this...I know that I can do my best. But's that's all I can give you...don't make me feel bad if I can't give you more. And you said I gave you the third degree for being with him. That hurt me...not because you said it. But because it wasn't true. I never ever once told you that you couldn't spend time with your son"

"I know. I just...I wasn't thinking. For that I apologize. And apologize for being a self absorbed prick"

Sebastian sighed softly "Rebuilding will take time. But now nothing is in the way. So no more guilt tripping and pity parties"

Chris raised his hand "Scouts honor"

"Good. Because this is draining. I don't know what I have left to give"

Chris smiled softly "You've given enough"

Sebastian smiled softly "No one likes a kiss ass"


	38. Opinion and Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally found some time after being busy...yay!!!  
> Sorry If it's a bit short...I is tired  
> But I'll make it up to you...PROMISE

Chris sighed in relaxation after finally putting SJ to bed. Leaning his head back on the couch he shut his eyes and smiled softly. It was then that he was broken out of his zen like state by the doorbell going off. Chris groaned and looked toward the door.

"But it's so far" Chris mumbled like small child throwing a tantrum

Letting out a deep breath Chris walked to the door and opened it. Once opening it Chris felt his peaceful mood diminish within a matter of minuets.

"Is my son here?"

Chris smiled softly "No he's not. He went to go pick up some dinner"

"Then I'll wait" 

Pushing pass Chris she walked in and dropped her purse on the couch.

"Please come in" Chris whispered under his breath.

It wasn't that Chris and Sebastian's mother never got along. Actually at one point she adored him...that was until she began to blame him for Sebastian becoming a different person...well in her eyes anyway. She would ask Chris constantly "What are you doing to my son? He's not the strong young man he used to be". It really wasn't his fault Sebastian was just so exhausted and stressed with so much that he had going on. He just had his own way of dealing with it. That was then and this was now. Now he knew for a fact she hated him.

"So umm how was your trip over here?" Chris asked clearing his throat

Cocking a brow she gave a sideways glance at him "Did my son not tell you. I'm sure you force him to tell you everything"

Chris scoffed "I don't force him to do anything"

"You may sway him. But unlike my son I don't sway so easily"

"I'm not trying to sway anyone"

With a scoff she spoke "I can see right threw you Chris. My son is blinded by love but I can see you clearly. Why did you hurt my son? How could you still think you are entitled for him to feel sorry for you after everything you have put him through?"

Chris sighed softly and didn't even make eye contact with her.

"I didn't mean to hurt him. I love him with everything I have inside me. Maybe even more than that. As far as entitlement he let me have it on that subject last night"

Smirking she spoke "Guess he does have a backbone after all"

Chris glared "Sebastian is a strong person.Maybe stronger than you think. For you to say that is wrong in so many ways. I want to fix everything and I'll be damned if I let anyone stand in my way"

With a pause Chris locked eyes with her "Even you"

It was then that the sound of the front door opened and Sebastian walked in.

"Mom?"

Looking from Chris to Sebastian she smiled softly "I told you I would visit today. Did you forget?"

Sebastian looked towards Chris and then to his mother "No. I just wished you would have called so I could have waited for you here at home"

"It's fine. Chris kept me company. We just had a lovely conversation while you were gone"

Chris smiled softly "Yup. Just lovely"

Sebastian smiled awkwardly as he thought to himself

"Why do I feel I just walked into the twilight zone?"

*A While Later*  
"That has got to be the most awkward dinner I have ever had in my life" Sebastian said rinsing out a glass in the sink

"Really I thought it was nice" Chris replied with a wry smile

Sebastian looked over at Chris with a playful glare "Shut up"

A moment of small silence passed before Sebastian looked over at Chris and spoke

"What did she tell you?"

Chris sighed softly "Nothing really. Just small talk really"

"Chris if you are trying to lie on behalf of my mother. Don't"

Chris sighed "Well long story short. She's thinks I'm a selfish prick who doesn't deserve you. And that I force you to do everything. Oh and that now she's sure you have a backbone because I told her about what we talked about last night"

Sebastian groaned "I wish she would just leave things alone"

Chris smiled softly "She's a mom Seb. That's what mother's do"

Sebastian frowned "I know that"

"Look I want you to tell me the truth. Did you take me back because you love me or because I forced you to. Be honest don't hold back. I want you to feel like you can open up to me. You know tell me everything. If the truth hurts well so be it"

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris and slowly walked up to him. Leaning in Sebastian kissed Chris sweetly.

"Sometimes ask too many damn questions" 

Chris chuckled softly as he pulled Sebastian in close and hugged him like he was never going to see him again. Sebastian sighed in delight be held in Chris's strong arms. They had both been through so much that Sebastian wasn't going to let anyone ruin their progress. Not even his own mother. Yes he loved her with all his heart...but sometimes mother's don't always know best.


	39. This Belongs To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww just one more chapter and I'll be putting the ribbon on this one.  
> I enjoyed all the comments, hits and kudos  
> And I've to say this has probably been the most intense piece I've done  
> Anywho let's get to the update

"Does he know that you are here?" She asked softly 

Chris smiled softly "Yeah he does. I told him I was just coming over so you can see SJ before you leave"

"What did he say?" 

"He said it was fine. I wasn't going to lie about where I was going. What for?"

Gwen smiled softly as she held SJ in her arms "I'm going to miss you so much baby. But I know that you are going to get the care you deserve. I l love you"

"You know you really don't..." 

Chris was cut off by Gwen nodded "Yes I do. In all honesty I should have left a long time ago after SJ was born. Not because I'm running away from my responsibility. But because I was being selfish and not thinking about what this was doing to your marriage."

Chris was about to speak but once again he was cut off by Gwen glaring.

"And don't you dare say that I am wrong"

Chris sighed softly. Silence soon filled the now empty apartment. There were still a few boxes of items on the floor but majority of everything was already sent back to her Washington home.

Chris opened his mouth to speak but decided it was best to leave certain things unsaid. Soon the sound of someone knocking on the front door was heard and Gwen handed SJ to Chris with a smile. Chris stayed standing in the kitchen and heard the sound of Gwen's voice and another woman's. It was then that Gwen walked back into the kitchen and locked eyes with Chris.

"Chris. I'm leaving now"

Chris raised his brows "Oh alright. Well I guess I should get going huh before I get arrested for being some sort of strange creeper"

Gwen laughed softly "Weirdo"

Walking behind her to the front door Chris stood before her and smiled 

"Well guess this is it huh?"

Gwen smiled "Guess so. But as far as being there for SJ I always will be. If you need anything to help him or if anything happens I'm a phone call away"

Chris was about to go in for a hug until Gwen stopped him and extended her hand out.

Chris cocked a brow and moved her hand away and pulled her in for a quick hug.

"Take care of yourself"

Gwen nodded "You too. And take care of Sebastian and SJ. Don't let anyone stand in your way of happiness. Do everything you have to do to make that man of yours happy"

Chris laughed softly "Alright alright already"

Gwen kissed SJ on the cheek and caressed his face. Tears welling up in her eyes as she began her walk to her cousins car. Getting in Gwen looked out the passenger window and waved goodbye. 

*Later on That Day*  
"So how did it go?" Sebastian asked sitting on the couch beside Chris

Chris looked over "It was fine. She's back home and I have you and SJ. And I'm happy, that's all that matters to me"

"How do you feel now that's she's gone?"

Chris cleared his throat "Let's not talk about that. And let's not focus on that either. All we have to focus on is each other and SJ. You both are my main priority and you always will be. Just sorry it took me to fuck up so many times to realize that. You are my entire life Sebastian...I love you"

Lacing their hands together Chris locked his eyes on Sebastian's hand.

"What's the matter?" 

Chris pouted "I'll be right back"

Sebastian watched as Chris rushed into the bedroom and then rushed back out with his palm in a fist. Walking up to Sebastian Chris stood before him and extended his Palmer hand and smiled softly. 

"What do you have there?" 

Opening his palm Sebastian looked to see Chris holding his wedding ring.

"Chris" Sebastian whispered softly

"I think this belongs to you" Chris replied softly

Sebastian looked up with a huge smile

"May I?" Chris asked taking the ring in his fingers

Sebastian extended his hand and smiled warmly "Always"

Sliding the ring back on his finger Chris smiled warmly 

"Back where it belongs. And that's where it will always stay"

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris and watched as Chris leaned in and caught his lips in a passionate kiss. 

"I love you"

Sebastian looked deep into Chris's eyes and saw love and nothing but adoration. They had been through so much together and their love never faltered. Even when he lost all hope Chris never gave up on him. 

"I love you too Chris"


	40. Love Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww we have reached the end of this amazing adventure. I had so much doing this. Every comment kept me going. Thanks to the readers. You are all awesome.
> 
> Now the final Chapter

*Some Time Later*  
"Wake up sleepyhead" Sebastian whispered into Chris's ear

Chris groaned "I swear to sweet baby Jesus, if I wake up,and that clock doesn't even read close to 10:00 am I'm gonna die"

Sebastian chuckled softly "Well it doesn't. But I was hoping waking you up for a little pre-morning workout would be a good enough reason"

Chris's eyes shot open and he gave a sideways glance towards Sebastian "Well I guess I can't be too mad"

"That's what I thought. Get over here birthday boy" 

"It was then that Chris paused for a second "Holy shit. I totally forgot today was my birthday"

Sebastian gave Chris his best "You've got to be joking" look

"Don't look at me like that. I honestly truly forgot" Chris replied still hovering over Sebastian with a frown

Chris hung his head "I guess because my last birthday didn't go so great. Then again it was my fault for being a prick"

Sebastian sighed softly and raised his hand to caress Chris's smooth face. For some strange reason Chris decided to keep his clean shaven look,which Sebastian didn't mind one bit. 

"I'm sorry about that. Guess I overreacted. You know with punching you in the face and all that"

Chris nodded "Don't apologize. I deserved it. And as far as the punch in the face, well I learned something new about you that day"

Sebastian gave a puzzled expression "What's that?"

"You have one hell of a right hook" 

Sebastian chuckled softly "Shut up"

Chris smiled and leaned in and captured Sebastian's lips in a sweet kiss. Sebastian felt the tingles shoot from the hairs on his head to the tip of his toes. He was always in awe at how one simple kiss from Chris made him feel like he was floating. And even after being married for a while...the feeling always felt new.

Sebastian let his hands roam Chris's muscular back as he felt Chris place sweet kisses on his neck.

"Mmm. Heaven" Sebastian whispered as he sighed blissfully 

Chris began to let his strong hands travel from Sebastian's hips to those amazing thighs. Fuck how Chris hated him for wearing those damn skinny jeans. Everyday felt like hard-on hell the way those jeans hugged his thighs. So it was a relief every now and then when Sebastian would opt for the casual sweatpants.

Chris leaned in his breath hot on Sebastian's ear "I love you"

Feeling his heart swell Sebastian smiled "Si eu te iubesc"

Chris locked eyes with Sebastian "Bastard"

Sebastian smirked and once again they began to kiss. Gasping into the kiss Sebastian felt Chris under the covers prepping him with the utmost care and love. Sebastian couldn't help but catch Chris's lips in his teeth playfully as Chris teased him.

"You want to know something" Chris whispered his voice deep and smooth like velvet

Sebastian moaned "Sure...mmmm...why not?"

"When I first met you...I never figured you to be so kinky" Chris replied letting a groan escape as he lined himself up at Sebastian's warm and inviting entrance

"And is that so bad?" Sebastian asked with a small whimper

Chris pushed himself into Sebastian and both moaned in unison "Trust me. Not. At. All"

Sebastian bit down on his lower lip as he felt Chris thrusting into him slowly and deeply. It felt like Chris was taking his time to cherish every moment of this. His hands trailed down his body and traced every outline of his toned body.

Lacing their hands together Chris pinned down Sebastian's hands and began to increase his speed. Catching sight of their wedding rings Chris felt his heart begin race and the butterflies in his stomach. He felt...in love.

"I love you baby. With all my heart and soul. I promise...I'll never let you go"

Sebastian locked eyes with Chris and felt the tears well up in his eyes "You disgusting sap"

After their love-making both their bodies spent and exhausted they laid in bed and reminisced about their first date to the first time Sebastian told Chris he loved him. They spoke until a small cry was heard from across the hall.

"Guess that's our cue huh" Chris said with a soft smile

Sebastian whined "We shouldn't have had sex"

Furrowing his brow Chris spoke "What? Why?"

"Because now I don't want to get out of bed. But ugh I have so much stuff I have to do today"

"Like what" Chris asked getting dressed quickly

"Like none of your business. Don't you have a baby to attend to mister"

Chris smiled "Jerk"

Walking out the bedroom and across the hall Chris walked to SJ room and picked up his son. 

"Good morning mister" Chris said with a kiss to his forehead

Giggling SJ placed his hands on Chris's face. Kissing each hand Chris walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

"How about we make Sebby some coffee huh" Chris said with a smile as SJ watched in amusement

Sebastian finally walked in and smiled seeing Chris and SJ in the kitchen. SJ giggling as he watched Chris preparing coffee for him.

Chris turned at caught sight of Sebastian "Finally you bum"

"Ha-ha that sense of humor" Sebastian replied as he walked up to Chris and took SJ out of his arms

"And how are you doing this morning little man"

SJ smiled tangling his tiny fingers into Sebastian's hair as Sebastian laughed softly

"What is your obsession with my hair? If this is you testing if it's real, well it is you know"

Chris watched as Sebastian played with SJ. It took some time and a lot of patience but Sebastian finally built a healthy relationship with SJ. Little by little he began to take him to run errands with him. And he began to just sometimes stay in SJ's room and play together. Chris knew Sebastian was afraid at first but once all that was overcome. Well Sebastian became one hell of an amazing parent.

As far as Gwen. Well the two still remained in contact with each other. The sole purpose being their son. She called every two weeks to check up on him and Chris would send her pictures to her often to show her how well he was doing and how much he was beginning to grow. Sebastian didn't mind it. SJ did have a mother and he was in no way going to take her away from him. But as far a friendship between Chris and Gwen...that was truly over. In fact Gwen met someone a few months after moving back and she was happy.

"So any plans for today" Chris asked placing Sebastian's cup of coffee on the table

"So nosy. If you must know me and SJ have plans. While you have to stop asking questions and get to work"

Chris whined "But I don't wanna"

"Wow my husband...just went from 30 something to legit 5 year old in a matter of minuets"

Chris glared "Has anyone told you that you are a bit of a douchebag sometimes?"

"No. Not to my face. Why someone talking behind my back?"

Chris cocked a brow "You are just a peach in the mornings"

Sebastian chuckled "So I've heard"

*Later on the night*  
Chris walked in after a long day of filming. He had to admit it was a great day on set. Not to mention the small surprise party the cast and crew through for him was very thoughtful. But at the end of the day...nothing compared to home. Setting his keys on the counter Chris kicked off his shoes and walked into the kitchen. Flipping on the light Chris felt his heart melt.

"Surprise Dad" Sebastian said with a soft smile

There he stood with SJ in his arms and a small cake before him placed on the table with the candles lit and waiting to be blown out. Chris couldn't help but chuckle seeing the cake was in the shape of none other that captain america's shield.

"For me" Chris said with a warm smile as he kissed both SJ and Sebastian on the forehead

"It's not huge party. But I figured it would mean a lot more if it was just us"

Chris smiled "You couldn't be more right"

Sebastian looked over at SJ and then back to Chris "Well dad...aren't you going to make a wish and blow out those candles"

Chris smiled as he leaned down and shut his eyes quickly and then opened them. Smiling at SJ Chris then blew out the candles.

"So what did you wish for?" Sebastian asked softly

Looking at his husband and his son Chris smiled warmly

"This. All day. Everyday. For the rest of my life"

Sebastian smiled "Daddy's a bit of a sap"

SJ giggled

"Shut up and kiss me already"

Sebastian chuckled as he leaned in and kissed Chris sweetly

"Happy Birthday Chris"

So after everything Chris and Sebastian both learned that love is not how you forgive, but how you forget, not what you see but what you feel, not how you listen but how you understand, and not how you let go but how you hold on. And if true love is real and true love is worth fighting for you never give up. And most of all you never lose hope.

**Author's Note:**

> *Be Gentle With Me*


End file.
